im down

2009-08-11T22:13:00.004+08:00

Hi, I'm moving

throughthehorror.blogspot.com

2009-08-11T17:06:00.003+08:00

OMG

1 of the kraziest night ever
happened on sunday

me=small brain
dressed up for leslie's party
wore heels for that loser
and lil did i expect i gotta walk that much

went to meet rini first at ps
saw weixiang and co! haha ran up to hug them
chao ah bengs all now turn good boy style
then went arcade to meet rini's frs ritzwan whatever etc
then went macs slack

wanted to meet clement but too bad he with his frs
so went to esplanade
met up with priya and andi
omg we walked ALOT
didnt rehlly catch the fireworks
camwhored alot
i bought my kewt shades ^^
making a trip to fourskin again soon :DDD

the girls and i was at subway
when i saw tyson!
haha shouted his name
didnt even know he walked back in
yeah quite retarded

then went to meet gary and the rest
omg saw selina hahaha talked to her and stuff
saw amira also outside
whole place full of frigging matts and minahs
then rini went to meet her fr ash
went over said hi whatever
then the rest went clubbing
me andi and priya walked back

my legs ached so much
quarrelled with les on the phone somemore
in the end he came tiong to walk me over

poolside party
a few girls wore bikini
i was just occupied with the absolut raspberry
making myself comfortable soaking my feet in the water
then the guards came to shoo us away
went upstairs
the music was on, danced about
lady gaga throughout the whole time
madness fun :D

around 2 plus 3
couldnt take it
told les im gonna zonk out alr
so he told everyone to either settle down or slp
so a few of us bunked in his room

morning woke up early to clean up
but he let me to continue slping
was too beat to even move
7 plus everyone left
the usual grp went macs for breakfast
then i cabbed home with eric

and mummy screamed when i opened the door
she thought i died
lols and in a few hours time
i was whisked off to kovan for second round
but not rehlly fun
i swam till my lungs gave up
dinner at thai xpress

yeah thats all

no such fun till N lvl over

:S

oh i have a new blog in construction
cuz my past haunts me here

2009-08-09T16:19:00.003+08:00

on the phone with beth ystd
signed off around 1 plus
she called at 2 saying she fought with gab
poor girl, she wouldnt stop crying
and we talked till the sun came up
promised to go get iscream on monday
cheer up my fr(:

and i went to slp and woke up at 10
watched tvee
revised for physics
tore the maths hw gab assigned me(revenge for beth!)

planned to go town with mummy and pa
shopping
but andi asked to go watch fireworks
going i suppose
maybe dropping by at les's place aft that
cuz auntie's not at home
and the boys wanna throw a mini party
as long as the vodka doesnt run out
i be on for it
seriously in need of a drip

i have around 2 months before i dont even have anyone again
ns :S
but yet these 2 mths needa study for N lvl
:S

yeah im kinda alright somehow
though im gonna be diff from the past
i have sch clique at times
family all the time

and i can definitely do it
on my own

2009-08-08T23:59:00.002+08:00

today's saturday
msn acquaintances ask why im home
like its their business that im not out

so i rotted at home today
and pa asked why im not out also
i fussed around some school work
re-read my comics
but the time was still passing like a snail
urgh

finally left the house for dinner
pa tried to ask if i wanted to go anywhere
but i just said i wanna go home
and mummy jacked me by saying
first time there's no where i wanna go

i just wanna go inside the room
pull the covers to my eyes
and stare at the tv screen
and so thats what i did

big deal bout not going out on a saturday
at least i pulled through the horror today
and im gonna swim my lungs out tmr

define friends

2009-08-08T10:37:00.004+08:00

last night was sick
i left house around 9
bernardette called to ask where i was
he saw my clone in vivo
told him i was heading to tiong park

such a nice fr of him
he wanted to come find me
and so he came
and he shocked me with his fr
bastards

told him what happened
and i thought my tears were so gonna drop
but i controlled
no way its totally not worth crying over those ppl
and he was sad too
he misses domic and chester too
but he told me he's glad i wasnt caught away like them
he told me to stay strong
yeah i will

we walked to valley point
he got me my fav drink from starbux
and his fr bought me cookies and cream iscream
thanks peepos(:

i was feeling rehlly down
rehlly phucked up
and i felt much better after talking to bernardette
and he preached to me
woke some of my childish hormones
thanks bud(:

oh well
its saturday today
i dont have plans of going out
becuz there's no one to go out with
and maybe i shld rehlly
stop
expecting fun on weekends
hoping to hang out with frs
that will make me feel like being in the clique's presence
and start
some serious action of being on my own

i cant always rely on kaz
they have ns approaching them soon
ppl like bernardette
arent free to be there everytime
i just have to get used to it

i know why monsie is acting selfish like before
she's experiencing the same
she told me everyone seems to be disappearing
and i agreed
if i were to try disappearing like her
i dont think anyone will realise

because my world never felt this silent before

2009-08-07T20:26:00.003+08:00

:l

sch was a waste of time today
turned up in red tank and shorts
went town with marsion aft that
ate and shopped our usuals
trained to tiong
got food for mummy

the comics bought beforehand
kept me occupied
and teckkian said the guys not watching anymore
cuz they dont feel like
great.
i pushed skating away for it
and i rejected kaz's invite to island

next was andi's call
not able to make it for sunday
rini either
feb cant stay out
monsie cant come out

i was rehlly looking forward to it
skating + fireworks = krazy times
so its cancelled
great isnt it
i could had ran towards the wall and scream

why isit always like this
im given the hope that i have frs to hang out with still
and this always happens
if it wasnt for chester and clique's being caught away
will i be so pathetic in such a way
i be too busy playing with them to care for other's existence

imagine losing a group of frs
frs that you hang out with so much
its feels like you'r all one big family

so am i suppose to go skate on my own
find a spot to catch the fireworks
and walk home from esplanade

yeah so much for the "frs hang out tgt" part
forget about hopes
totally

i feel so angry
more like hurt
i could cry and kick anyone in my way
i should go swing at the park
find ways to get my hands on some bloody vodka
and roam town

maybe i might bump into some of those liars
who lied

or i could disappear like monsie

yeah bye
the pathetic girl with no frs is signing off

fuck

2009-08-06T18:35:00.003+08:00

hey
school was fast
shd i skip tmr
im rather lazyaye to go sch and leave at 10.30
shld i skate tmr with andi and mocha?
shld i watch movie tmr?
shld i go island with the boys tmr?

its so annoying
when i have no one
no where to go
its pathetic
and now there's an invitation
it leads on to a few more

most probably shld be movies
saturday study dates
sunday skating

i rehlly dont like it teacher
i did my best
i didnt give up on physics
i speak language not digits
i bothered to ask for remedial session
why bother humiliating me in class
i swear if i didnt held back my tears
you will definitely succeed in making me a clown
double the usual
thanks im sure the class enjoyed laughing at me

had lunch with les
practically sulked throughout
complaint to him
and rejected his ice cream offer
that was how bad i felt

whatever im going to tuition soon

there are some things we dont talk about
rather do without
and just hold the smile

2009-08-05T21:25:00.003+08:00

hey
had school today
flunk geog test (expected)
didnt go for english remedial
came home
went to les hse after that

kaz and the boys planning to go island
wl whats so fun bout going there
so boring
lucky i got prelims to keep me occupied
stupid idiots refuse to leave the hse to eat
so i cooked maggie mee and ate with leon

leon's having exams too
haha study hard kiddo
stop dota-ing with your brudder all the time already
les walked me home after that
and he's gonna get a new phone soon

i felt much better
cuz i went to swing today

andand i might be watching movie on friday
with teckkian and his frs
^^ cant wait

oh i helped bernardette with an errand
and im paid 45 bux
yay starbux here i come

2009-08-04T23:22:00.003+08:00

ever felt like knowing everybody
but yet you aint rehlly friends with them

ever felt like going to sleep to shut it all out
only to realise you cant even do it after lying for hours

ever felt like you lost the excitement for arrivals of weekends
becuz you know there's nothing to expect for

ever felt like seeing many cliques hanging about
only to think back of your own
and feel sorry for yourself

ever felt like seeing people occupied with their phones
while thinking when was the last time you were like them
having to charge it every 1/2 a day

ever felt like going out on your own
and end up with nowhere to go

or scrolling down the tons of contacts on msn list
to see who to talk to
or doing the same to your phone
but yet you dont know who you can call out

im feeling it all
not just tonight
its been a while

:l

im still struggling to stay strong though

2009-08-04T21:48:00.003+08:00

hie
im not rehlly happy
everyone around me is feeling down today
but im gonna make sure i stay strong
cuz
i lived through the horror

okay im off to zap happy hormones in me
or else my frown will stay fix forever

2009-08-03T23:07:00.003+08:00

hey :l
i dont rehlly feel happy today
sch was as usual
used fb and everything during fnn
hamtam gossip with andi and monsie

after school came home
dinner at greatworld
called out to someone wrongly
i thought it was leo
whatever it was a rehlly stupid thing

:l

it got worse after i read her blog
she mentioned everyone
i doubt i was even the last being mentioned
oh well
im not rehlly frowning
just
i dont know man

les lost his phone :(
and he was the only one that kept my phone alive
nevermind
i can do without a phone as well
not like i have stuff to text about to others

:l

i revised some work just now
mummy's pissed with me
there's a big chalet i wanna go so bad
but i cant cuz of prelims
i wanna stop looking so sad
but yet i cant control my frowning
and i wouldnt sigh

i miss you man chestertan
without a bestfrrrr like you
my life is so boring

time to time again
i put up with it
now i cant help to think at times
what am i to you
an underdog that you pet when you feel like it
yeah just take me as air if you want to
im tired already

not crooke
not straight
just breathing

2009-08-02T22:24:00.002+08:00

\o/

expected
the place sucked just now
no teens all kids
me and roy got punked
at least he came later
i was there the earliest
urghhhhh

and the play room was sickly annoying
it was filled with chivas absolute vodka and more
my mind almost suffocated halfway
while entertaining the kids with miniature poker

aunt cooked lotsa food
lotsa aunties
"ehhh she rehlly look like"
"you surely very fast be grandma alr"
told to my mother in my face
-.- its 21 century now
not like the past uh

my coursework B not done :S
doing in sch tmr >.<

and hello you
its not the right time
isnt my 101 explainations enough
or you need more

alright gonna have lunch with les and leon tmr
cuz i promised leon swensen :S
and i'll be broke by tuesday

i need coke
dying without a drop of it

2009-08-02T13:56:00.003+08:00

urgh

so fucking annoying man
my party mood's crashed
like wtf
you wear whatever you want
i wear whatever i want right
not like im gonna go in my birthday suit
or anything close to that
HELLO
im wearing girl stuff
a dress?
isnt that always
what you want me to wear when i wear BERMS?

urghh whatever
totally lost the mood to party alr
im just gonna go there
show my face to the elders
get a can of whatever shit drink there is
and sulk at the voiddeck
be a lian
and you can curse me upstairs to the other relatives

and whats so great bout IJ girls man
kaz is totally going after one
and he's so not being himself

okay seriously phucked up now
till then, then
bye

2009-08-02T00:33:00.003+08:00

hie
i woke up ard 8 plus today
though i slpt late cuz i conference with les and kaz
haha funny idiots

anw the party is tmr luh
stupid
so i must do my hw by tmr afternoon

went tiong just now
bought lotsa colorful pens :D
went arcade with roy first
then the rest came
kendrick popped by also haha
they arcade-ed
i didnt
auntie say drums not fixed still

wl couldnt stand the lians :S
i stood outside looking down
saw vernon they all coming up
ducked behind the corer
i dread to see them totally

andand
i didnt put on eyeliner just now
and i felt alil lian cuz i wore tee shorts slippers
until les nagged at me and said
"your hair not like theirs also
you dont speak like them open mouth then (&@*^#
and you dont have the ugly shiny stuff ard your eyes"
thanks bud love ya :D

roy and kendrick went off to lepak at ho swee
so i went to get my sundae
then came home

thomas called just now
he say next week his birthday
got party want me go
haha dey i got exams :(
but i'll try man

cant wait for tmr's party

hahaha courtney's boyfr sho kewl man
biker eh!
saw them just now
haha im so envious
bikerboys are hawt(not all though)
ohkay im just kidding

byee im off to L4D

2009-08-01T01:03:00.004+08:00

(: for you

alright
school was awesome
haha entertained myself very well with certain
hilarious
i did what les suggested

haha i couldnt stop laughing to myself bout it

went for Leroy's talk
motivated!

ended around 4 plus
went home then out
GREATWORLD:D
haha with kaz and the boys
had lunch/dinner in macs
mcflurry dosed^^
thanks for the treat kaz ^^

haha he got his salary ystd
and he's getting me smth
my request to him
no super miniskirts
no bikinis

hahaha the boys roared with laughter
when i told them what happened in class
kaz expected a showdown from me
please bitching is a waste on her
and everytime i see her
i think i cant stop laughing
its mean enough :P

anw i cant wait for tmr
whats more awesome than a party with cousins
i promise wild, camwhoring
maybe a few drops of underage drinks
who knows
haha

i know you'r waiting to see this
okay 9876543211111
(: thanks for brightening up my day
(L)

stupid lians who name themselves
akiko
yumiko
totally cant compare to marsion
if thats the case
marsion can be bimbo
i be the GECKO behind her

2009-07-30T22:47:00.003+08:00

down

tuition was as usual
first time ever time flew faster than usual
i did a physics paper
studied and talked with tes
her love with darren is so sweet
its intoxicating
and i wonder if i'll ever be in her situation

oh well
i suppose it wouldnt be awhile
becuz its real this time
i cant feel a thing

whats wrong man
i was so hyped before tuition
i feel totally :l now
its like a cycle
isit a sign to show im losing to my insonmia tonight again

im sorry les
my moodswings are getting out of hand
these nights
thanks for being here
dagna too(: rehlly appreciate it

i want god to stay by me
becuz i wanna start studying for real
i hope its not too late
and i believe i can do it

thomas you sure is one funny dude huh
im not bothered by that silly
i didnt write her name
she didnt write my name
who cares?
dont you dare do anything alright
meet up soon then(:
and yes you'r the biggest in tpy
and im made to type that sentence above

yeah im just stressed out

and im disgusted
with the behaviour of certain
it happened once
and i killed the second time
get away from me
you liar and much more worse

gotta stop frowning
stop fretting
and make it possible
i can do it

2009-07-30T17:50:00.002+08:00

hey all
sch was not bad today
was on the way home when i got informed
someone blogged bout me

haha
they thought i was gonna resort to violence
no way!
i almost though
but i didnt:D arent you proud chester?
i bet you would thought i hit her too
i didnt eh!

well i didnt mention names man
but she wrote her own name in?
and i got perfect eyesight i dont need thick glasses
thanks for your concern(:
i didnt call my class lousy
dont put words in my mouth(:
you want me to take a look in my mirror?
i dont mind, im vain(:
its up to you to think you'r way better than me
im glad you dont need to see a shrink for confidence boosting(:

see you tmr my fr
you can go call whatever gang you'r in
im sorry if you were expecting me to get a gang to find you
im not childish
and i wouldnt want a classmate
to be reported missing isnt it?(:

came home bathe went to find les
went greatworld
he managed to get a bear out of the machine
haha its rehlly kewt though
went for ice cream
kaz came then they walked me home

oh did i mention i told les
he laughed his ass off
anyone heard tpy got gang hang out in blk 79
the older ones?
kaz laughed also all the way
i did told him not to do anything
its mean to bully a classmate kaz(:
i dont want to be called a bully(:

anw we'r just going about
seeing what will happen next
yay me(:

and i flunk chem test
and geog test i bet

tuition later :S

plus marsion cried just now
i couldnt even concentrated
but pulled it off to mr ng that i was tired
i'll pray for her
the pain wouldnt go
but at least i hope it lessens

2009-07-29T23:27:00.004+08:00

another bad day

it seems like bad days are my monsoon this season
school was as usual
kinda touched by a fr's concern
cracked up with the clique in canteen
laughters only come out when they'r around now

bused home
left my earpiece at home again
zonked out
desperate to get away from everything

lastly no im not straying away from the straight path

its so tiring
to go through the same cycle almost everyday
i miss the clique
the days with them
was like getting trapped in a maze
you never knew what fun was shooting your way

anw i was quite annoyed with her today
someone i know that knows bout it
told me lotsa water could make it better
i merely wanted to tell you when i went up to you
but you was too occupied showing your new stuff
you know yourself
they arent real
do you even rmb?
that very day when you were closed to tear
you poured out what you heard them sayig bout you
i had to console you yet control from making you more hurt
i wouldnt ever wanna hurt you further
and from then, we were always there for each other
till he came into my sight
for him i neglected you
and when i lost him, i lost you

things changed
clocks chimed

you told me another part of your life
i was there when it started
and here now watching the attack of side effects

in my eyes i see
the ones around you unbothered
when im frowning worried bout you
they'r laughing away

they.only.want.your.things.

i rehlly cant care much
im just gonna stay behind
becuz

you'r my sister

and sorry to say les
the cheerleader you know is dead
the hypes are lost in her
and im not vice captain anymore
dont expect a show

2009-07-28T23:01:00.002+08:00

oh well

today started out gloomy
marsion called way early in the mornin
she told me the secret
and i dropped whatever i'd held in my hand
i had to sit back on my bed for support
i was speechless
and i knew
the cause of it
1% of more could had very well be the side effects

school was as usual
class was peaceful, quiet
and i was quite pleased
i pass my physics test
it wasnt very high marks
but it was higher than the certain usual good ones
and i passed my maths test as well

and im gonna flunk my chem test
becuz i invented my own formula and drawings
again.

and i hurt my wrist during P.E
it hurts now
but i didnt mind
afterall i was desperate to play a game under the sun
i love the games of the outdoors

bused home with hazel
talked alot as usual(:

went library in the evening
borrowed some books to kill boredom
les met me for like 10 mins
chose some books for lil leon
then pa sent me home

im tired
exhausted

and im worried
roy's frs got into some shiat
i aint gonna want his ass to be busted as well
i hope he's mature enough
not to be involved when its not his problem

hey chester
i dont know where you are now
what you'r doing
auntie refuses to tell me anything
i miss you like rehlly bad
i havent forgotten one bit of the clique
things arent as smooth like before in my life
i was so reliant on you
you'r my bestfr
and now im on my own
i rehlly do miss you bad
and im gonna stay up to the promise i made
i'll not ruin my own path

im eyeing this hoodie rehlly bad
it means alot

2009-07-27T23:17:00.003+08:00

rawr

was on the phone with leooo till 2
couldnt even pull myself outta my bed
school was fine
haha after sch went to find leslie
he was sitting at starbux
i RAWR in his ear
his fork dropped
ahahahaha i couldnt stop laughing

didnt give a shit that i was in uniform
leslie reminded me that i was still in sch U
serious i dont give a damn already
we sat there laughing non stop
played with the sugar and milk
then went to macs for ice cream

he went to cyrus to meet the rest
i walked home
fell aslp while doing homework

today's a new start
oh and i studied for my chem test tmr ^^

haha im quite happy today(:
thanks les i havent laughed so hard for awhile
thanks clemmm for the song
im obsessed with it
and there's a new dog staying over my hse

i used to be Love Drunk

zapple in hand

2009-07-26T22:50:00.002+08:00

hie

today was okay i suppose
though morning turned out to be quite chaotic
and i wore my hoodie in cyrus
prevent any disturbance from strangers

home with the boys
immediately they dota again
played kendrick's psp
fell aslp on mummy's bed

skated to get dinner for roy
met up with leslie for awhile
he cut his hair
haha idiot

and heard that kazzie lost his phone again
no wonder he never call me
idiot

anw its a start of another week again tmr
:S
i do miss the clique badly still
i hope chester can feel im doing fine
not fine without them
but trying to stay strong
we got telepathy huh bestfr

alright
there's another puppy coming my hse tmr
my hse become puppy hotel alr

anw im rather contented
with a drop of happiness
im looking forward to a new week
and im gonna make it better

im gonna study hard
and wait for national day
thats the day im gonna skate with the clan again
so all weekends before prelims
=
studying
with exception of family gathering

but i do
10 mins meet ups with certain
most frequent one is of course
kazzie and the boys

alright
i can totally do it
cuz i lived through the horror

2009-07-26T10:39:00.003+08:00

hie

last night played upwords with the boys

formed all the stupid words

different themes

but our best was obscene words

haha we linked all

okay randomxz

i was rehlly down last night

but the idiots totally made me crack

slept around 2 plus

kena woke up at 7

followed them to lan

so im at cyrus now with them

nth much to do

tried playing audi

looks like im not cut out to be a lian

cuz i cant press fast enough

they dota-ing now

waiting to L4D

repeats non stop

you can do it

dont let anything affect you

yeah michie you can definetly do it

2009-07-26T00:02:00.005+08:00

annoyingly
its another bad day, today
2 in a row oreadi
:(

i had lunch with bernardette at bugis
upon reaching saw him with 2 chaoahbengs
called courtney and ask if she wanna join
and his fr was shock why i call him bernardette
haha too used to it alr
besides calling him bernard now sounds veh weird

we had pasta mania
his frs left
i was kinda down and stuff
but he rehlly powerful, made me laugh alot
thanks bud(:
went over to his hse to slack
cuz we found it too hot to walk about
watched my jap show on his laptop
ended up feeling more sad cuz it was last episode
then i fell aslp while reading bleach
plus i slept at 3 ystd night :S

went out with mummy and papa for dinner
roy went out with his frs :S
and we went mt faber
but alot of couples
and totally mumy and pa were in their own world
i felt so pathetic on my own
:(

went to get my hot fudge sundae aftwards
and im not meeting gab and beth tmr:(
they wanna go watch movie
nehmind i study at home luh
lesliegoh found work
so no more slacking about:(

see michie
told you that you cant rely on them for long
see larh
now isnt it back to before
have to get used to being on your own again
better get used to it
its not a choice not to

sezriousllly
i feel rehlly pathetic
becuz mummy and pa are aslp
roy and his frs went to lan just came back
dont know what they doing in the room now also
shld be they gonna ton tonight

i dont feel like slping
i got no one to talk to
i feel rehlly sad for myself :(
but i wouldnt cry

2009-07-25T01:06:00.004+08:00

bad day

totally bad day
school ended at 10.30 cuz speech day
cabbed to tiong
saw jeremy and bruce!!!
went to ganengseng saw shisheng
freaking hilarious he bought me food
he recess walk over to tiong to buy food
and i witnessed 2 idiots pon sch go lan
and darren and marcus climbing over
kewl skool

went over to outram
waited for colleen
turned out saw so many lians :S
leoooo came out for awhile
but colleen rushing so didnt talk to him

went back to tiong to meet tes and diana
then cabbed back to sch

was rather disappointed
should i say annoyed or saddening

oral was a flop
so much for being good in chinese
i stuttered cuz i was nervous
idiot me

skate got cancelled
i came home
had a fight with mummy
why cant she be more understanding
i cried
she called me to go die
i left the house in skates
and skated my heart out

i did felt slight better after that
becuz smth amazing happened

anw i wanna thank god
for letting me know this 3 rehlly nice friends
kim nicole and hazel(:

today seems to be a rehlly bad day

and my eyes are hurting cuz i cried
maybe insonmia wouldnt attack me tonight
and there's no remedials tmr
finally

tmr better be a better day

oh did i mention
i was so sad
and i most probably didnt know what i was doing
i went to buy breezer
and the 7-11 uncle didnt even checked my ID
-.-
he just couldnt be bothered
becuz i seriously dont look 18
more like 13

how awesome huh my life

2009-07-23T22:52:00.002+08:00

nooooooooo

i refuse to admit to tes's sayings
mere infatuation
what like dont like
dont have such things
me is dont like!!!!
haha cnt play ppl who has girlfr
later i get bolt by lighting

tuition as usual boring
leslie called on the way home
haha he want go double date shopping
with beth and gab on sun
sorry my dear
i only double date with a real boyfr
and the last double date i did was chester's
he and viviene and he's my best fr
so i pulled lex along as a *date
marks the fullstop in your face leslie goldfish

okay broke record
i smiled alot today
rehlly rare
and tmr will be fun i suppose

sometimes when you wait
it never comes
and when you give up
thats when it comes

im neither now

2009-07-23T18:14:00.002+08:00

an extra rare day, today

was on the phone with marsions ystd
insane marsions said she's a virginity virgin
i couldnt stop laughing

and lex called at night too
seriously
i couldnt give a shit bout you anymore
im not your toilet bowl
know what
its gonna take me awhile
before im ready to talk to you
so for the time being, bye.

and i went to sch
class was quiet
cuz alot of ppl never come
monsie also!
maths test :s

after school went over to greatworld for awhile
les was with this 2 weird guys
yeah i know i cant stand my uniform myself either
but they didnt have to poke fun continuously
whatever i told les, today is a happy day
and its rare becuz i actually smiled alot today
and im not gonna let the idiots spoil my day
so i smiled and walked home myself

im happy cuz bernardette is bringing me out on sat
and meeting bethany for shoppig on sunday ^^
and im not gonna use com later
so im blogging now

quite a weird day, today also
i had gastric just now
was hopping about the house in pain
then i went to lie down on the sofa
and yup i fell aslp
okay retard me

tmr will be fun
gonna go tiong park to SWING
with LC
gawd i miss hanging out with her

im missing the clique veh much still
chester domic hunwei mathew peiling

2009-07-22T23:15:00.003+08:00

hie
haha les said i was krazy
cuz i blogged before going to sch
yeah i think so too

anw sch was as usual
i jacked ppl
^^V
physics test, mere pass i suppose

finished sch
lunch with kazzieeee
he sure kena sacked soon one
he wore a top out
from the store he sells clothes in
wtf right
yeah thats what my response was when he told me

then i bused home
there's a funeral around the area
its a young dude's
he had many frs there
like those 18 19 20 yr old dudes
and with their Subaru and bikes around
that kind

so i was listening to my music and walking past
when one turned the rest turned
i was like ohhhkayyyy
i must be walking past too slow
so i sped up
and this freaking nerd behind me sped up also
gross

and im not suppose to be online now
tmr got maths test
ah chek clement owes me ANOTHER ice cream
if i pass the test
gab too ^^
just pass also pass what
haha but i promise i'll do my best

shld i cut bangs and reborn only the bangs?
haha idk man
leon say i'll look nice
thanks kiddo
i swear you look 7 but your mind's like what 15 16?
must be your big brudder's fault
see this leslie?
your fault man

dwn L4D
but only can play with computer
no kick onee

okay im going off
to fight war with my insonmia
bye/

2009-07-22T06:17:00.002+08:00

insanity hits once more

totally i shouldnt be blogging now
insanity is getting back at me
too much k5
too much glue
too much alcohol
of the past
half my brain's screwed

but im gonna train my brain
and i know i can do it

urghhh its raining
and im gonna get ready for my shit school now
bye

2009-07-21T23:36:00.005+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
ROYSTEN TENG
my real blood brudder

look at my stupid smile

yup today is roy's birthday
his frs bought him stuff
i made him a card
and agreed to buy him any tops he like
and comic books

school was boring as usual
talked to monsie
i miss her
the real her
i hate to see her like this

and rini, i hope she wise up totally
its seriously over the limit
going off with ppl you barely know?
rini, the word desperado aint there for a meaning
you'r my fr
i dont like ppl calling you a sluttish girl alright
wake up!

and friday ending sch early
planned to go skate
but got oral
effed up

had lunch with les and leon today
greatworldcity
im just so tired
sick of being this tired
its nothing wrong les,
there's just nth much to say you know
its got nothing to do with you

im just going through alot now

did i say maths lesson today
i asked frs around
becuz i know asking the teacher
will never be the same like the past
she. marked. me.

i realise rehlly im different
i dont speak much
i dont feel hyped
i should stop wanting to hang out in big groups
i may be desperate for secureness
and i find it in big groups
but the clique's gone
i dont see a point anymore
its a chance to learn to be on my own
or just kill the uncomfortable i have for double person trips

i miss the clique
utterly longing for them

im surprised kazzie used a word
i thought chaoahbeng didnt know english
he said one word
solitude.

its okay
i can do it
i must

2009-07-20T23:01:00.003+08:00

lights out

i finished my coursework last night
at 1.30
instead of the expected zonking out
my insonmia attacked me till 3

woke up today
real screwed
was late
wanted to cab but in the end didnt
saw someone on the bus
screwed hair
screwed day in sch

hie teacher
this post is specially for you

thanks for being nice to me for the half of this year
i realised i could do maths
thanks for teaching me when i needed help
i found out hey first time im able to do maths
and im actually willing to try

thanks for scolding me today
the whole class when quiet when you shouted
thanks for making me feel so embarassed
thanks for letting the whole class witness the scolding
thanks for shouting at me
and for those words you said
they were attached with blades

and i felt humilated
i had the tears of fury
but i pushed them back
i wanted to dig a hole and hide badly

teacher, thanks
you killed my interest of maths

teacher did you only went to read the files last night?
counted every single black record of mine?
read them as a bedtime story?
or you chose not to believe what i am like in sch anymore?
havent i been a good kid?
i havent got into any trouble this year
with studies nor with teachers

im not the worst student in class
there were fucking 2 idiots beside me
speaking in hokkien
and one of them always pon sch

thanks teacher
and thank you fr
i doubt i be sitting beside you anymore
and dont call out to me anymore
i dont wanna listen to your never ending stories

and i cabbed home
i spaced out
leslie's working with kazzie
they told me to be strong
hell yes i will

and im going to show you teacher
im no nobody

i had a really bad day today

its roy's birthday tmr
i hope you have a great day brudder

i need a better day tmr

im stopping alcohol for awhile
i can return to my swinging in the park
i believe i'll feel better
alcohol adds on to the emotions each time

god bring me a biker boyfr
i wanna sit on his bike and feel the wind
cutting my wrist

a better tmr please

2009-07-19T00:12:00.003+08:00

emptaye

well i had a shuper dinner with the relatives
went over to aunt's new place
from mansion to bungalow
then now sadly, HDB
but its kewl

ate fast and left early
went over to les's crib
kazzie and co all there
but there were no bots spotted
liars
they drank before i reached
so much for telling me still got alil bit left

forced kazzie to go buy
he went tiong's 7-11 and got me breezers
idiot
and so i wasnt drunk
but i seemed drunk
i was holding the bot and venting to everyone

the clique
and lexeoustan
i cried
and eric suggested i talk it out with him
so i used the com and talked to him
we talked alot
and i couldnt stop crying

i admitted i relied on him
that i see someonebody else in him
only at times
and he admitted he was overly rash
and so its over
and i suggested it
we shld time out on our frship

i fucking cried like some idiot
and auntie thought the boys bullied me
i was rehlly over emotional
everything's just coming down hard on me
its hard to breathe
but im glad i have kazzie and the rest
thanks for being there peepos

i went to wash up after drinking
and when i came out of the toilet
there were 2 plastic bag outside
turned out kazzie and les
had REWARDED me smth
becuz i passed my maths test!
a mini skirt from kazzie -.- bastard
and high waish shorts from les ^^
haha i laughed finally at last

the boys brought me home
and i gave a bear hug to each of them
becuz they deserve it
for listening to my rants
and being there

so im now confirmed
single
and i no longer have to vex over a long r/s

its just studies and the waiting for cliques release
i totally need to be strong
today is another big step out again

yeh i can do it

i cant wait for the partying
right after Ns

2009-07-18T15:53:00.006+08:00

liars

i zonk out again last night
insonmia didnt even have a chance at me
i loved it
i didnt have to think before i pass out
it was total black once eyes are closed

i woke up late
rushed to school
only noticed my hair was not tied on the way
urghh no small rubber band only a big one
did compo and letter writing
walked to macs myself after that

i swear i look shuper pathetic
when i was eating at queenstown bus stop
while waiting for the king to come
seriously leslie took almost half an hour man
and i rewarded him my frown

he brought me the money kazzie owed me
and bused home with me
i complaint alot to him
and almost cried cuz i was over emotional

i feel so alone
when im alone
i dont feel this way in the past
becuz i dont have them now

kazzie joel said i grew prettier
whats the point
i dont have the clique to dress me better
i have a what do you even call that
long distance relationship not?
i dont even know my status
single or not available
for shit man
i might as well be only pretty on the inside

im desperate for the clique's release
and i kinda made a pact to myself
that i be staying positive and smiling as much as i can
which everybody knows i dont smile much
and so what if i look nicer when i smile
i rehlly dont feel happy today

i feel like drinking
i havent touched a drop of vodka for awhile
its time for another puddle

tonight
dinner with relatives
a bbq
to down it all down

so why dont you answer me
are you my
BOYFR
or
BESTFR

2009-07-18T00:12:00.004+08:00

this post's for ystd

woah was too tired ystd
i zonk out instantly on my bed
i stayed up to do my coursework
had a test in tuition not really hard but yeah

this post is for today

school as usual
after sch went com lab did my coursework
rushed home
changed etc
rushed to courtney's hse
collected my stuff
cabbed to tiong

thought i be late meeting teck kian and the boys
but they were playing in the arcade
jiaxu came!!! haha the joker
watched the movie
freaking hilarious
he kept making me laugh
i swear after the clique's leave
i havent laughed that much since
the boys were nice people
waited with me and stuff
hope to hang out with them again soon
and idiot me nvr pay teck kian back luh
wl :/

i saw someone at the foodcourt
someone that looked like ______
i felt a sudden pang of internal prick on my heart
i managed to wash my face in the toilet
and reminded myself to WAKE UP

god i miss the clique
i miss lex too
more than anything else

and im so tired
i dont even know what im talking about online
soz leslie
by the time you read this
i'll be sleeping alr
and i have sch tmr
at 8am o.m.g
kill me

tiong arcade just now
i saw alot of lians
all the same kind
that kind of shorts
the same type of bag
the shuper definite straight hair
gross

and i saw joel too
that lil kazzie grew up alr man

urgh im waiting for the download to end
okay im ending here
byeee
pigs of the world

2009-07-16T16:39:00.003+08:00

seconds of internal pain

fuck man
was on the phone with leslie
and he got veh curious abt that jackass
so wanting to act brave
i went to his page
saw the pictures
and then quite alot of the past
flowed through me
F
i SHOULDNT HAD CLICKED IT

im suppose to go for a 1 hr session of L4D
i dont feel like going alr
but maybe i should
i should freaking imagine that jackass's face
on the zombies then i shoot them until they die
okay its veh sick i know
so im not gonna do that

im gonna stay calm
finish up my work
and continue staying positive
becuz i can do it
yup
i should be able to
i think

i have tuition tonight
and am burning midnight oil
cuz im passing up my coursework by tmr

i was hyped for the L4D session
but now im fucking unhappy
becuz i caused it myself
and i cant turn to coke or ice cream
badbadbad

nehmind i should be happy
without a jackass in my life
i can do more things and better stuff

soccer after Ns
my life will be better
krazy shopping by then
i'll turn girl-lier
unstoppable skate sessions
for a rush of the wind

Ns
it be here and gone
before i know it

so will the wait for release of the clique
turn shorter

2009-07-15T22:38:00.003+08:00

PLANET A DAY!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
AL
MARSION
SISTER
FRIEND!

SWEET SPECIAL SEXY SIXTEEN

its al's birthday today
its an annivasary for her birth
yet she's sleeping it away
still veh pig like
and i hope her orals will be fine man
both of our oral session sure screwed

feb came over after school
haha i copied some of her work
she happily reading my 17 mags
waited for bus tgt with her when she going home

scenario at the bus stop
queensway girl and a boy
both veh :S that kind
feb say thats why will attract the same kind
suddenly they fought
girl: give me my bag back now
guy refuses
girl: see you always dont listen to me one
*boy keeps quiet
girl tries to hit him

and im enjoying the scene
until feb's bus came
i past them and told the girl
go get a room or change out first
then i happily walked off

leslie was at cyrus
he came over to meet me
haha he bought me Gatorade ^^
talked awhile then e had to go home

i studied
yay me
i studied one chapter
and did some F&N work

to a friend, a sister, an alien
happy birthday!
16 alr uh
a year older better be wiser
i hope you remember all the laughter only we have shared
it is to remind you how unique you are
and that you can never be replaced
it is to let you know
how much i appreciate you
its a thank you
for everytime you have shared a worry or tears
listened and been the only one who understood
and everytime you were there
when i had nowhere else to turn to
ILY (:

btw leooo wants me to mention this for him
Leo's spectre today has been ks-ed 20 times
his score was like 3~1~20+
drama ks man
i get no shit bout what he's saying
but i know the game's dota

and lexeoustan
you tell me what we are
really
you tell me

2009-07-14T22:15:00.003+08:00

in pain

im effing in pain
physically and emotionally
i cut my finger again
and my heart is on fire

english oral today
2 male teachers
who look more like P.E teachers
they laughed and kept smiling
its veh disturbing
becuz they were not very thin
so look abit like spasm
esp when one of them eyed me
cuz i ran out of words for a sec at the picture

came home
grab the board and skated to greatworld
went to get jie's B_______
^^
freaking spent an hour there deciding which one to get
went to buy subway cookies

tied the balloon around my neck
for safety cuz i scared burst
and skated back
pa said this
you siao put behind, any joggers could had straggled you
and you wouldnt even know how you died
haha veh funny
-.-

and i tried to sit down to study but i
CANT
arghhh what the hiao is wrong with me man
my mind WANTS to study
but when i hold the pen
im doodling or writing crap

and i feel like an idiot
i told rini and andi
greatworld's the best place to go dating
cuz its quiet and there are fun shops to visit
and if i have a boyfr
i will bring him there and have a great time tgt

becuz the last time i went there
with an old boyfr
i cried there

and lex im never gonna let it all end

i didnt know what to say
what words could fill the silence
i swear
aching waves were rolling through me
until at last i hanged up
we are so not going to have such a fight again
not anymore
best buds dont fight over stupid things

alright
im still walking down the path
on my very own
and just to be known
im fine
and
im good
becuz

michie, you can do it

2009-07-13T23:06:00.003+08:00

yes i do

today sux big time man
school was annoying
and i did no work
damn me

after sch cabbed to les hse
couldnt stand being in my uni
wore his old queensway p.e
haha kazzie say gd an spoil their reputation somemore
idiots.
lunch/dinner at tiong
bused to greatworld
they max tuned
i went to watch the hamsters
^^

the boys walked me home after that
and i came home to an empty hse
did no work again
serious man exam coming but i dont feel like studying
damn me

and im fine
im good
being on my own
^^

missing lex and the clique
(L)

2009-07-12T22:49:00.003+08:00

rays of insanity shot me today

start of my day today
i had my breakfast/lunch at 12 plus
becuz i freaking managed to slp ystd
only at FOUR, 4 am
if you'r desperate to fuck smth now
fuck my insonmia
its totally free

and i studied after eating
and i realised
ystd went kino i bought useless things again
i bought pretty stuff but useless
urghhh
gotta controlll

studied till 6 plus
dinner with kazzie and the boys at greatworld
fish and co ^^
went cyrus for an hour

i told leslie bout this A*** loser
then he laugh until his pants almost drop
haha he say next time if we in town tgt
and happen to see his idiot
he will break the board
haha you sho kewt uh leslie
where you gonna get the strength from to break it huh

came home studied again
gab veh proud of me
becuz i called and told him
i finished the hw he gave me ^^

oh man
i feel like having a boyfr who wears cap
haha okay random
having one will only lead to many problemsss

i like the peekture veh much
cuz i have a habbit of doing that

and i must be krazy
cuz i just opened a can of root beer
and i dont really like it
and im reminded of chesternuts my BFF
rmb that time i told him
boy you know it taste like the mosquito cream
and he spit in out instantly and hit domic's shoes
gawd knows how much im missing you and the rest

2009-07-11T23:25:00.003+08:00

random peeture of my haircut
not much diff anw
just the waves are more obvious now that i fixed it
natural eh
no perms

2009-07-11T22:58:00.006+08:00

shuper hair-pee

yayayay
my hair waves again after the cut
met rini ernest and leslie at cine
on the way to taka
i saw jairius alan guanwen
talked to jairius
funny guy ask me where did i come from
i answer: behind you luh

went to meet ignatius and aubrey
went to kino to shop for jie's stuff
went lucky plaza to see them eat
shuper awkward cuz i didnt know what to say

went skatepark slack
saw angh's fr
he disturb me luh
saw luke wahaha he say i look nice
went cine after that
play pool
shuper retardedddd
and i won one round eh
^^V

after that we walked back to skatepark to go home
hmm could had stayed longer one but didnt
oh well its enough for today alr
while walking home kazzie called
hahah the boys walked over from cyrus
kazzie complimented me for what i wore
first time eh i was being said i look my age by him
and leslie also and i took a pic with him
haha but i think i look ugly in pics now

okay im veh veh veh happy today
i dont know why
but im just veh happy

i forgot to bring my extingisher out today
becuz i havent check the stove in me
im just afraid to find out what im afraid of

okay im a veh happy girl today
i hope whoever reading this
is shuper happy too
^^

2009-07-11T12:50:00.002+08:00

i got a new haircut ^^
from a bung

its this ultra kewl salon
inside 80% bung
hawt hawt hawt
and she/he say next time must go back trim
^^V

im not going feb hse for guitarhero and choc fondue
doubt teck kian they all going watch movie also
leslie and the boys got event at expo
so today only 2 event
1. town with ignatius the soccerboy and aubrey
2. at night meet bethany and gab ^^

jiejie suppose to celebrate her BD today
but she just say her frs cannot go
haiz im always here
if you need me
i be THERE in a call's time

hmm went sch just now for eng extra class
went macs ate a burger
i feel veh fat cuz i actually finished it

rainrainrain
i want a cool day today :(

/

urgh everyone's acting so weird now
maybe im the one who changed thats why
my cheerfulness stays longer than before
and i dont frown as much
cuz i just keep thinking repeatedly
i can do it
and i cant be brought down
or else i wouldnt have face to see the clique
when they'r released

hmm i can do it
and if later ignatius and aubrey ps me
i'll walk in town myself again
until its time to meet beth and gab
its okay
im a strong girl now
(:

2009-07-10T23:32:00.002+08:00

went to skate with pa
he walked i skate
skated all the way past ZOUK then clarke quay
woah i didnt know i live 10 mins away from ZOUK
^^
and alot of slopes i skated down
the feeling veh nice ^^
oh i used the board today
my inline the wheels abit not right

and i broke a promise with mummy luh
i say tmr onwards dont go out
but i forgot tmr cnt
so she's pissed
promise luh
last saturday out
haha really

besides i've been studying
and my mind's not that chaotic now
im reh proud of myself
and i know i can do it

2009-07-10T17:39:00.003+08:00

nothing but the truth

finally the weekend's here
school was slow today
great classroom recess with clique

lunch with leslie and the boys
kazzie is working now
becuz he's saving up for this veh ugly bag
which cost like 400 plus
if he cut down on his cigs, and dota in lan
confirm 2 weeks time can get alr
still need go work
i see how long it takes before you get sacked again
work in macs secretly eat ice cream
work in arcade let ppl play free
see how long you can tahan in the clothes store

the boys went to dota
so i came home
study alil :/

going off in 10 mins time
either skate or go shop in greatworld
yeah all by myself
how great it is to be independent

i miss the clique
effing effing miss them
every single one
chester,domic,peiling,hunwei&mathew

and i think i suck
becuz i dozed off during chem lesson
guess my dream
it was the playback of me and jon
Awesome NOT
whatever im definitely over him

later

2009-07-09T22:50:00.002+08:00

in my world
today was a bright day
it turned alil gray
then stormy now

school was okay
recess was great
lunchbox meal ^^
then finished school
rushed home
found gab sitting at the staircase
tutor-ed me for 2 frigging hours
then i fell aslp
and he left when im sleeping
^^V
hahah or i highly doubt he will stop tutoring

went for tuition
talked to tes the whole session
and my candyboys invited me to cyrus
i OBVIOUSLY CNT GO
becuz
1. school tmr
2. i dont live on the corridor e.g can climb out like eric's hse
3. i dont dota, go there stone isit

hahahahahha tmr my les partner acc me to sch
^^V

hmm some sad stuff
one fr might go in
yes my mind screams
"wtf noooooooooo not another one leaving"
so im gonna pray tonight
everything will be fine
if you believe you will be

the pain had passed
im now stronger
more sensitive
more aware
and
happier
((:

i am doing well on my own
and im happy
while im waiting for the clique's relase
my courage will be in action
(:

2009-07-08T22:46:00.003+08:00

im veh happy today

becuz i stayed awake in school today
i heeded kazzie and leslie's advice
to cure for my insomia attacks
make myself tired during the day
force yourself to stay awake in class
at night sure power zonk out on the bed
ystd i defeated it^^

came home change etc
and i straightened my hair
to give kazzie a surprise
went greatworld to find the boys
in the end he say hair lian only
clothes also not lian enough
cmi
whatever i trying for fun only
you think you v handsome trying to be towner meh
X)

arcade-ed
coke splurge
camwhore craze
bused home
and i felt my energy draining

my legs ache from the running also
:S
and im staying up tonight
to study for tmr's maths test

gab say i power sure fail one
well that will only prove you not good enough
hahaha but nevertheless
you'r the best tutor i had really
can tahan my crap ^^

i cant wait for saturday
veh excited
movies
maybe shisha
shopping
meet ups
butbut i feel like spending the whole day with each grp
but cnt cuz sat's too short a day
so must run about to places

and damn mummy say tmr dont use com
okay byeeeeee

im waiting for the clique's release(:
im sure the day will come soon

and im bring food to sch tmr
finally get to use my lunchbox lex bought ^^

2009-07-07T22:13:00.004+08:00

urgh
i shouldnt be online
but still i cant stop the temptations

school sux as usual
ran 2.4, almost died
bused with hazel ^^
bused to greatworld after that
got LC's balloon and candy
leslie and the boys came to find me
^^
and he bought me B&J

he flashed me his teeth
no more braces:(
then walked home with the idiots
but they veh nice
they could had walked over to cyrus
but they took the long way to send me

came home did a card for LC
blanked out while thinking bout inc clique
lex called for awhile :DDD
missed him quite alot

fighting spiders last episode
:(

i feel this aura or whatever
its something bothering me
isit fear i dont know
damn whats wrong with me

its the one who cannot seem to give

oh by the way
i saw one of my cousin
in town with his girlfr
and everyone in the family thinks
THINKS
he's an extremely quiet guy who has difficulties socializing
CRAP luh
he was so shock when he saw me
he dropped his girlfr's hand and walked away veh fast
and i told mummy she dont believe
whatever luh

and im veh happy
becuz i wouldnt be seen
like that
cuz im not gonna have a boyfr
now or in the time to come
becuz im not ready
stupid earthquake impact that an ex left

2009-07-06T23:00:00.004+08:00

today sux
becuz i quarrelled with kazzie
and leslie pulled my hair

i left the house alr
then daniel say dont meet
so i zonk out listening to the fall of the rain
then i decided heck i ownself go town

so i shopped
bought a dress, shirt bracelet and a book
^^

and i walked every mall
till i reach plaza sing
called him and he say he can come for dinner
so i waited for veh long
and i saw alot of ppl i know

went to macs for dinner
then we walked over to skatepark
bused home

wl im going insane soon
im not normal
i cant find the interest back for
G***S
yet im not C*****
shit me
urgh whatever
im still the same michie
yes i can do it

there's sch tmr
i think got maths test
im dead cuz i didn study
and i can wait longlong
if i want ice cream from ah chek clement
cuz he wouldnt buy if i dont pass

urge to shisha
badbadbad
its not addiction
its like just suddenly feel like
urghhhhhh

whats wrong with me

2009-07-06T12:09:00.002+08:00

urghhh
today's an aweful day
i woke up to roy playing dota
and the whole house empty
mummy papa went malaysia without even telling
wth man

and i cant rmb if i have a maths test tmr
and i need tuition from gab
urgh
and im left with a pile of clothes to keep
cuz mummy made me do while she's away
wl
and the movie time delayed
and daniel is not picking up his phone

whatever if i turn up later
and he goes MIA
i'll freaking go shopping on my own
fuck them all
stupid kazzie going dota at bugis
even leslie also choose dota
stupid boys
so much for being such a great fr huh leslie

urghhh im gonna go shop like mad
and pig out on ice cream

yeah i can do it
i'll be fine
afterall its another outing of getting used on my own

god i miss chester
i know if he's out here
he be there with a phone call's time

urgh

2009-07-05T23:39:00.002+08:00

woah i feel like screaming
esp all the vulgarities at my brudder
i have the urge to beat him
and say ihateyou in his bloody face
selfish brat.

i dont know why
i actually went church today
and agreed when leo call me go
must have been insane
we ended up like fools during the service
saw some thorns there, gross
then in the end he had to go with his aunts
so i bused off

i went plaza sing to walk myself
called teck kian he invite me go vivo
i lazy to wait
so i sat outside zone x and zonk out for awhile
then called nico
went to meet him at amk

we went library
walk talk eat
treated megan to cheese cake^^
trained home to change

went over to eric's place
cuz kazzie they all say tonight open bottle
happily reach there
they drank almost finish alr
waste my time
so i hogged the tvee ^^V
watched the cheerleading movie
fucking make me feel like cheering again :(

then was wanting to go home
BOOM rain ultra big
so kazzie say wait awhile more
so i stayed
then we watched strangers
fucking big guys all cowards one
we kept switching channels
taking cushion to cover
in the end the ending shocked us
my heart effing stopped when that girl screamed
cabbed home after that, kazzie pay of course

i like the weather
being cold

watching transformers tmr with daniel
wl rini cnt go cuz ernest sick
and virtual/reality bestfr cnt meet me
cuz he's lazy so no ice cream tmr
and my stupd brudder's trying to ruin my life

awesome isnt it
and i thought ystd was a happy day
today will be also
im wrong man

lexeous is a mother effing liar
promise say come back for my party one
nvm if you dont wanna come
i hope you wouldnt be
all alone feeling lonely in your stupid australia island

im veh annoyed

2009-07-05T00:34:00.003+08:00

okay
i feel like screaming
happy hormones are bursting in me
BERNARDETTE CALLED
that idiot
totally surprised me

he say he found out bout inc clique
he misses domic
duh best buds eh
and so he promised
he wouldnt be working for the next 2 weeks

he promise
no matter what
he will find a way
to visit them

yayyyyyyyyyy
im shuper happy
today

i feel like the happiest girl on earth
today.

2009-07-04T23:27:00.003+08:00

i woke up near 11 today
and realised
everyone will be going out
and i be alone

awesome isnt it
when i turned down every invite the night before
so i turned to my phone
had some plan but got cancelled
resorted to kazzie and co
slacked at leslie place first
went over to cyrus
annoying. today's grp was huge
plus their girlfrs and everything

so me and leslie decided to run away
and we didnt in the end
cuz mummy called
so i went to meet her in town
then papa came to fetch us for dinner

went over to leslie's hse after that
cuz we were nearby
and i said i needed to buy stuff
slacked there
my legs had a dip in the pool
played guitar hero with the rest
then he sent me home

going to leooo's cousin church tmr
he wants me to go so badly
and since i have nothing to do
i agreed
then regretted cuz i have to wake up early
:S
nehmind its for the sake of god
i'll go
and besides he owes me ice cream^^

haiz
my music was blasting in the car
and i left it on shuffle mode
out played that song
and i thought of the times when lex was back
god damn me

promise
promised
broken promise
empty promise
what have you not given me lexeous tan?

2009-07-04T00:23:00.005+08:00

was on the phone till pretty late ystd
i blurted out alot bout myself
as usual

rules stay rules
boundaries wouldnt be broken

couldnt concentrate in class
i cant absorb
damn me
i dnt know whats wrong totally

school ended at 1
i actually stayed home
and studied but ended up falling aslp

went to skate with papa he rode bicycle
had a 2 min conversation with kazzie and co
they were at cyrus
i peered in and they were coming out for a puff
idiot leslie kept patting my head

i wanna watch transformers

and weirdly
for the very first time
i find it boring to go out tmr
and tmr's a freakin saturday
with all the invites im turning them down
i shld be fine studying on my own
focus.

just now while skating
the feel of the wind
the heat of my cheeks
the feeling of carefree-ness
reminds me of them again

i rmb chester's the only one i trust
becuz standing behind his bike
i nvr felt fear
and the clique always sped down the canal paths
i miss them
i miss my bestfr
do you miss me too? chestertan

having a child at 16
and seeing it taken away
in the form of death
the anxiety
even if its not on you
but around you

Happy Birthday to EUNICE!
my twinnie
i miss skating with you
all the best in life
love you loads((:

2009-07-02T22:43:00.003+08:00

longing for their ever presence

i went to study with daniel
didnt study much
i couldnt concentrate
damn me

went to walk around
couldnt find anything for roy
walked to the tuition area
sat outside and talked for quite awhile

i blurted out alot bout myself
and while doing that
inc clique was brought up
jon was brought up
for a moment
i felt like a piece of my history

but im never gonna let
the failed past bring me down
only the exception of missing them

isnt it funny
when no one comes along
you question why you have not
but when it comes along
the pressure of it returns

im not ready
i need time

to L
you know you'r a greatfr
losing you over a r/s aint worth
friendship last longer than love
and you'r kazzie's fr
when he changes clique
we will disappear
you know how kazzie is

things cant be rushed

its the heart afraid of breaking

2009-07-02T15:35:00.003+08:00

Paralyzed With Doubts

arghhh
i cant concentrate in school
even when i put my phone away
my eyes will close
and i'll drift off dreaming
badbadbad

anw last night
i entertained leooo
for an hour plus
cuz he bored and i couldnt sleep
and insomnia continued to attack me
urgh

i missed my bus today
and LC and i updated each other
lotsa krazy stories

andand
she praised that boy
saying he has a good heart
:/

whatever i have my own plans
tolerance is a virtue
i'll see how long you can hold on

im going tiong later to study
with daniel
and maybe rini and ernest?
then go tuition

and leslie call say after tuition
they on the way maybe come pick me
and we go SPIZE
yes finally!
i miss the slacking at spize

idiot me
43 more days to prelims
and im still dreaming

im counting down the days
1 year 11 mths for chester release
1 year 2 mths for peiling released
domic hunwei mathew
released going straight to NS
my clique. forever

and leslie goh
dont let me spot you
holding binoculars looking into tiong
from your mera prime room okay

Now picture this, Open your heart and Time will tell

2009-07-01T14:45:00.003+08:00

im
SHUPUR XSITED
cuz i found bernardette's workplace
muahaha ^^V

my insomnia was frigging attackin me last night
i swear it took me an hour
before i really zonk out

oh well isit amazing or freaky
telepathy

today i saw LC in the canteen
immediately ran up to hug her
reagardless of the social distance of that H1N1 briefing
who cares man
god knows how much i missed her

rini came today ^^
i felt so sleepy today
urgh idiot me
and i couldnt concentrate well
so i might self impose a new rule
offing my phone
becuz all the ppl reply me is
INSTANT
to reply them always takes me quite awhile
:/

and leslie dental appointment
changed to next week
hahaha bracesboy for one more week
i swear he resembles chester so much
the way he talk and walk also
its like i can find my bestfr's soul in him

and kazzie
THANKS okay
for helping me find out
don worry kay
i know just what to do
this time round

today,
im happy(:

2009-06-30T22:06:00.003+08:00

arghh
im feeding myself
to the temptations!

and im using the computer
when i self imposed not to
urgh idiot me

anw school is boring as always
went over to gab's hse for tuition
bethany came :DDD
she damn funny we kept joking about
gab was controlling damn bad from getting pissed
haha
but in the i keep falling aslp
then i left them for their couple time

bused home
listening to FM static
(L)

wl and i didnt get to see transformers ystd
:(
kazzie say no more tix :(
but i had a great time stoning at leslie' hse
becuz they brought their frigging laptop to DOTA
idiots
and leslie taking out braces tmr
he call me go
:S

anw im veh proud of myself
i deleted
almost everything of that period of my history

one thing to scold is
i havent touched any revision yet
when prelims is frigging around the corner
:(

urghh
gotta really self impose more rules
yeh man
i can do it

invites for saturday
-skating with rini and co
-gig with monsie
-movies with kazzie and co
-study date with bethany and gab

wl
its not even the weekends yet
i already have to stress
which one to go
i think i'll end up staying home
feeling sad cuz i miss chester and the rest

i miss my bestfr
chestertan
when you gonna kill me with coke on gastric attacks again
i miss you like alot man:(

motivation to study
-ice cream trips with ah chek clement
- visits to domic from his brudder
-making them proud when they come out
-making my parents proud

2009-06-29T11:26:00.004+08:00

im in school

and whatever times

my fingers has a go at the keyboard

i'll blog

besides its the only way

i can update for lex

since the calls will be lesser now

i couldnt slp ystd

the holidays i was an owl

now im gonna be a erm

a nerd.

going tiong after sch i guess

lunch with kazzie and co

cuz kazzie owes me 20 bux

leslie owes me ice cream

okay i shld be doing my research now

ciaos

2009-06-28T22:19:00.006+08:00

dinner with family
roy ordered crabs
i remember the last time crabs were served
was months ago at greatworld opp
domic the reckless idiot felt like eating
immediately we went with mathew also
i miss them
went tiong after that
saw the 24 ppl
i saw one about to call out to me
i instantly changed my route

went to sweet talk
i rmb hunwei's gross drink
mixxing all the colourful jelly

i miss them so much
they were my clique
its like waking up one day
and they'r all taken away from you

school's starting
i suppose the pile of work given
and the stress for the exams
can temporary numb the hollowness

this holiday
was fun/sucky
sucky i lost them all
fun only at certain times

i have to thank kazzie
and his countless of frs
though i dread to be seen with you guys
yet you guys gave me fun times
made me laugh and everything
thanks really
i doubt i have the time anymore
when school really starts

thanks to gab for your maths tuition
thanks for tolerating my crap doodling
and not scolding me when im daydreaming

thanks to courtney for the 2 days job
haha i had fun covering your class(:

if god gives me a chance again
i will like to meet new friends
friends like the inc clique
friends that will be there no matter what
even if the police is on the way
real frs.

and if things can be like the past
after they are all let out
i will work hard
and do them proud by then

i can do it
im sure i can conquer the books

and i wouldnt be using the com
except on weekends
self imposed rule no.1
so communication through phone

my phone's been dead anw
on or off no difference
i miss the non stop text from chester
the countless calls
bestfr bonding time
:(

shit me
i shouldnt be wallowing now
but urghh
swine flu come attack me
i dont wanna go sch still

but reality's still reality
Michie Can Do It
yeh i can

i'll do my hw tmr
and my hair's not cut yet
though im not a boy but its getting longer

communication by phone
byee

2009-06-28T13:40:00.005+08:00

fuck
time sped
sch's starting
hair not cut
nail polish not wiped
homework not done
total
NIGHTMARE

i was starving ystd night
cuz of stupid leslie goh
but nehmind you thursday taking out braces
i wouldnt say you kewt anymore(:
revenge!

i veh lazy to do my homework
and it cant be done by today
i know cuz its a pile on my desk
and im asked to ecp later to play
wl :/

oh andi's fr has H1N1
so maybe suay i kena also
but they say 1/3 of citizens will kena
and my nose is running

urghhh
eff
homework
eff SCHOOL

2009-06-28T00:58:00.003+08:00

went wisma
met andros wendy and co
felt alil out of place
andri saw me at fareast
and i joined her and priya to shop
i bought a bag

went to cine later to watch gig
then to wisma to slack

and im fucking hungry now
im invited to cyrus VIP room
but i veh lazy
and stupid leslie goh is there
he's tempting me with food from spize
stupid idiot, BUDDIES treat each other nicely one
and im veh hungry
i only ate popcorn chicken today
how can you afford to see me starve
later you get nightmares :(
and i want to scold you your favorite phrase now
"you farking cheebai"

when a fr likes this kewt boy
and this kewt boy tells her
he has interest in you instead
what do you do man!
i said NO WAY
thats what i did

and when a guy dumps your sch bestfr
for ANOTHER girl
you either console her
or get a new guy
i consoled her
but none nice guys to intro

and today i hang out with andri's clique
i felt effing hollow
i miss my clique
chester hunwei domic peiling mathew
its like a piece of me missing

nothing can fill this hollowness
but i know if i stay bright on the side
it will save everyone the hassle

loneliness knows me by name

2009-06-27T13:04:00.003+08:00

yeah so much for the shopping trips
i didnt buy much this hols :/
sale or no sale
no difference

i went to slp early
last time check was 1.30am
at 3 i woke up
kazzie and co at spize
they gonna walk over to leslie's hse to ton
i hesistated
but i ended up sneaking down
and played 2 frigging hours of guitar hero
my fingers almost fell off
i played all my emotions out

came home to slp around 8
just nice mummy gonna go see doc
poor mummy
hope she gets well soon

and not gonna shisha today
not enough people :/
hitting town

im typing this on impulse
but whatever
fuck those girlfrs
who promised to make it today
but end up going off with their dates

yayayay IF tonight town not fun
i can go join joe shisha

sezriously i h8te my brudder
like why cant he be normal

2009-06-26T23:34:00.005+08:00

this pic's for last night

last night was KRAZY
i think i went krazy
things went insane in me
i talked to IGNATIUS ANG
yes the soccer boy
the first boy i liked
and we talked bout the
PAST

i swear i must have been insaned
and he told me some terrible stuff
no i wasnt hurt much
okay ouch maybe for a few mins

so all those time
in the duration of 2 years
i tried to get over
and he was poking fun
whenever i was being mentioned

AWESOME huh

i must have been the silliest girl
i was so annoyed
i turn to coke and chocs
something i wouldnt do
like eating and drinking at 2
and staying on the phone with leo till 5 plus

but whatever
iggy's an old flame

todayy

i went amk library with gab
he brought bethany with him
im suppose to do maths
beth suppose to do physics
so while he's trying to do the sums
i took out the OUTRAM 08 &07 yr book
^^
and we started circling the not nice looking ppl
so i chanted
ugly ugly ugly ugly eh KEWT ugly ugly ugly
then i realised im sitting in the library
so all the stupid laptop ppl couldnt stop staring
we had lotsa fun totally
then i came home to change
so they can go lovey dovey

went to lex hse
his sec sch mates all there
we mrt-ed to T3
slacked abit then he had to enter alr
gave him the tightest hug ever
he ruffled my hair and told me to grow taller
haha im missing him already
cabbed home with 2 of the frs
they dropped me off
^^
free ride

and i dnt know where im going tmr

i feel freed
(:

i feel like breaking my skinny brudder up into pieces
NOW
idiot

2009-06-25T23:23:00.004+08:00

im blogging again
second time
i dont know why
im gonna fucking rant out everything
the previous one was bout activities

i dont know why i put that picture
but thats my expression now
im annoyed
confused

and im gonna scold myself now
wl michie why you like this
why you go talk to him
why you go think bout the past
wl you stupid idiot

urghhhhhhhh

im gonna go have ice cream

extinguish the flame

2009-06-25T23:00:00.004+08:00

i didnt blog ystd
but i had an interesting time
went tiong with roy ben and feb and her sis
drummed awhile
some nerd tried to challange me with speed 1.0?
player supermario for the first time
saw jaspur and some other 24 ppl

went LJS for dinner
4 bengs kept staring at me
roy call me turn and look
ben gave the finger
that started the pointing
in the end roy call me go over help ben say sorry
cuz ben still small kid
but the bengs went off:D

drummed somemore
camwhored
went home
talked on the phone with leooo till 2 plus
then his line went dead again
-.-

i woke up at 12 today
havent even fix my hair or face
only brush my teeth kena pulled to tiong
got breakfast for mummy
wl saw jerome and his frs in macs
they like my messy hair
idiots
lazy to walk so i cabbed home
4 bucks just for a 2 mins ride

went to visit chester with lex
couldnt go in
had a big argument with the ppl in charge
relatives only allowed
fuck totally
so went back to his hse to slack

im suppose to ton at his place tonight
but he got his frs over
so i go also end up being a maid only
unless he can bribe me over
or i be in front of my com

and i talked to ignatius
we started talking
and he asked
if i had a boyfr before
i summarised some stuff
then he never reply alr
i told courtney
she called me instantly
then started yakking away
-.-
he's just an old flame
that will always burn in me
cuz he's the first guy i liked?

going amk tmr to do hw
at night sending lex off at airport

dont have boyfr wouldnt die one

2009-06-24T13:49:00.003+08:00

on the phone with lex till 3 last night
we talked alot
mainly about us.

i figured or we both figured
leaving it this way's the best solution
leaving it the way
of how things use to be
the status of friends

you should know
no matter what we are
friends or lovers
you'r still special to me
and nothing will change this fact alright
we shall visit them all tmr
old flames.

now if ppl ask
i'll be able to answer without hesistating
[:

going tiong later with kazzie and ben
feb and cheryl going also
camwhore spree
drum-mathon

LESLIE GOH
IS TAKING OUT HIS BRACES NEXT WEEK
:(((
and he call me go with him
idiot.

and im going his house to play later
guitarherooooo competition with leon

im hyped up for today
cuz i feel freed

i can live on my own

FOR-NEVER

2009-06-23T22:45:00.002+08:00

i went to skate today
or should i say walk more than skate
with ernest and his frs
played some stupid games
in the end i left at plaza sing

came home mummy got headache
i could had stayed out somemore i guess
roy went to watch transformers with ben kazzie

ate alil of what pa bought back for mummy
the clock showed 8
i stood up abruptly and told mummy
i going library borrow/return books

called lex, lucky he finish his dinner with his mum alr
he cabbed down to fetch me
then we cabbed to redhill library
there was the awakard silence between us

upon reaching they announced library closing in 1/2 hr
grabbed a couple of books
then we walked to macs
the atmosphere was bad
we both had things to say
but we didnt know how to start
in the end we sat there talking over ice cream
we talked about the clique
then about
us.

im confused
what are we exactly
are we on the line of friendship
or we are already over the borders

do you know how it feels
everytime you fly back
we seem to be tgt
but yet you always go so soon before i realise
we dont have much time here tgt

im sure im not using you to forget him
its just you were right
i dont know what we are either

do you realise
how badly my heart beats
each time you show affection
have you thought of the consequences
when you leave too much behind for me
it will become hard for me to let you go

and im disappointed by my own frs
liars with empty promises
say what will keep free on sat
in the end
i have to hear from others
invited to the event that they say you will go also
when you promised to be out with the rest?

fuck man
i have the greatest life

i might as well go out on sat myself
and die on the way back

2009-06-23T00:18:00.003+08:00

woke up by 2 policemen today
they came to ask if anyone throw smth dwn the chute
then i said i sleeping
i ask throw what
isit bomb or corpse
then they dont want tell me
they say is this side of the chute one
went back to slp
then came back and ask me for ic and number
-.-

did alil maths
went to skate
8 laps by the canal

7 plus reach airport
waited damn long
then spotted him and his dad
the dad assumes im his girlfr
haha uncle is a very serious man
went to the foodcourt
lex couldnt stop talking bout stupid things
uncle pissed off say he take luggage go first

we went candy empire
ate lotsa jellybeans
cabbed back to greatworld for macs
he bought me apple pie and ice cream^^
then we went Montique to see hair accessories
hahaha bought him a hairband
then i bused home

that idiot going parklane with his sec sch mates
tmr going out with his mum
so i gonna skate tmr with rini and ernest co.

iloveyouuuuuuuuuu man
now you come back i dont feel lonely alr
we shall go visit the rest of the clique soon
i bet they missed you too

2009-06-21T23:55:00.003+08:00

looks thats me
looking fat in the picture with mocha
went shopping with mummy and aunt silvia
i sneaked off half way
went to find mocha
wanted to find teck kian also
but nvr so i owe him ice cream

okay i have 5 mins to blog before 12

something happen today and im quite scared
but its over
i hate Ben*
cant spell it fully cuz kazzie's beside me
he says its insulting to him

happy father's day
:DDD
we had steamboat
the crowd came over to my hse
we ate alot and talked alot

okay i'll try
to heed my girlfrs's advice/encouragement
but if nothing turns up
then too bad

okayokay
i need one more week hols please

and guess what

LEXEOUS IS FLYING BACK TMR
and im going to the airport

ask me out
whoever that can promise fun on outings
pleaseeee
i wanna lead my life like before
find new frs
but not to replace chester and all
just to let me have fun again

2009-06-20T23:29:00.002+08:00

was on the phone from 1 to 5 plus AM
with leoooo again
story sharing session

at 11 i felt something wet on my face
mummy threw a towel on my face
jumped out of bed
and she screamed answer the phone
stupid leslie call a girl to call my hse
i totally forgot leon got party today
no wonder cuz my phone under my bed
didnt hear the reminder alarm

cabbed down when its only 2 streets away
urghh 5 bux gone
upon reaching cake alr cut alr
-.-
gave him his pressie
that brat leslie brought me to say hello to all the adults
tsk isnt it paiseh enough that im late

in the end went over to join the rest
its so obvious
3 groups of people there
1. adults and their relatives
2. leon's pri 1 classmates
3. the teens

it was too hot so i sneaked upstairs with kazzie
they played guitarhero
played alil then ended up falling aslp
woke up around 5 plus
play somemore then went tiong

mummy and pa and roy went also
went to meet them
went arcade
DRUMMED
saw bruce they all
stupid angkun guy disturb me
and i saw my eyecandy
he said he rmbs seeing me around
but we didnt talk i merely smiled

bought a starry dress
pissed mummy off
went macs and ate my mcflurry
saw jerome then shouted his name
that idiot got blue hair now
alienic.

came home and sulked

to this whoever you think you are
big shot huh?
trying to scare my fr
just cuz your fr got her before you did?
oh please you'r a chinese
style like beng
talk like matt
who you think you are man

if you dare to put my fr in any threatening state
i'll not hesistate to call kazzie
by then you will be a vegetable
i may feel bad everytime i do something wrong
or hurt someone emotionally
i've never called kazzie to go for someone directly
but seriously dont step over the line

and ah chek thanks for calling him(:

lex is flying back on monday
my luv

2009-06-20T00:37:00.005+08:00

hello im not sleeping still
hee im online with LEXXX

today was okay
gab came over to tutor me today
mathss eh for 2 hours
:SSSSSSSSS
but he veh nice got alot of patience((:

but he's like monsie
worried for my academic
i promise i'll work harder kay

thought i rot at home for the rest of the day
but my nicey fr called
yes my les partner LESlie
i owe him an apology also
after scolding him and his brudder that day
we went pastamania
i ate till damn full
cuz the idiot doesnt let me leave if i dont finish

we went walkwalk after that
and he bought me a super KEWT bag
didnt expect him to buy also
was at kino upstairs when he said he go toilet
then he bought the strawberry bag ^^
and i bought him ice cream in return
we bumped into SEBASTIAN LIM
and seb rmbs me still
*melts/ faints
haha he's as hawt as ever
then leslie waited with me to bus
then he go play pool with kazzie and co alr

came home called mocha
OMG i melted over the phone
she and him super sweet
happy for her
she encouraged me to find new luv also
wl like catch fish like that so easy meh
besides substitution is a selfish thing to do
and i dont feel like dating S*****boys again

where shld i go tmr
hmm
maybe go explore on my own again

i cant be bothered over what people think anymore
im me and the only me
i can do it
:)

2009-06-19T00:29:00.004+08:00

today was okay

studied alil maths

doodled

phone february to talk

digged out roy's gameboy

played in the safety of my room

kazzie called go meet at valleypoint

though its just beside my hse

i felt too lazy to walk over

in the end he bribed me with caramel macchiato

^^V

so i went over

got the drink

smilesmile to his new frs?

took the 20 bux he owes me

and i skipped home

and that cost 1 and 1/2 hour

and i realised that was long

supposingly a ten min thing one

watched videos on youtube

lex is coming back

im counting down the days man

i miss them still

oh well i am strong

i can do it

andand

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

LEOOOO!!!!

SPECIAL/SWEET/SOUR

SIXTEEN:DDD

2009-06-17T23:01:00.004+08:00

was on the phone with leooo ystd night
till like almost 3
he told me very nice stories and plans
haha funny guy

woke up at 12 plus
breakfast with mummy
went to studied
tried but ended up with comics in my hands again

wasted the afternoon watching tvee
roy came back from camp
looking very tan

kazzie called to go out
they gonna go drinking
tempted but said no thanks

was fine till i saw those stuff again
stuff that can make me feel like crap
make me feel like im stabbed instantly
or make me gasp for air when im conscious

its real i know it is
becuz all the evidence are blasted in my face
why do i feel pain
i dont know

i should had went with kazzie
totally in need of vodka
anything that can make me escape reality for awhile

no matter how hard i try
sometimes i still
cant get you out of my mind

i have my own tears plus
the pain you gave me
it makes up the ache of it all

picture it
you and your new barbie

my heart may ache
but i'll nvr wet my eyes over you again
i wouldnt let it happen

2009-06-16T23:15:00.002+08:00

woah my legs are killing me

okayxz
today early morning went leslie hse
didnt wanna dirty my clothes so i changed
PS. he has super kewt boxers omg
haha hope he doesnt see this
went to the pool to see leon swim
that lil idiot pulled me in

then i run up to bathe again
eff knew i sure late
blow my hair
tied it up
resulting look like some messy headed
bad hair day:(

rushed to bus down to bugis
wl leooo reach first -.-
went to find him
that idiot wore a veh interesting shirt
hahah he wanted to use his bag to cover
but in the end i made him carry properly

haha made him wear a beanie
wl hoped he look nice in one
haha he turn out looking like some sick cancer patient

went to walk around
didnt buy anything
nothing caught my eye
but we had a great time in topman
haha i persuaded him to buy a stupid shirt
haha he bought me ice cream^^
then i had to go

late for bal class
wl punishment was to point toes in socks
almost died
like my legs detached from my body
cabbed home no choice

okay im quite pleased with myself today
i smiled alot
laughed alot

but alot hw not done -.-

but alot outings soon ^^

2009-06-15T23:46:00.003+08:00

bal class was fun
brought them chocs((:
ended early again^^
rushed home for dinner

studied alil
had bonding time with roy
we saw some old childhood songs on mtv
then we sang and jumped about
haha we had a great time reminiscing the past
and he'r growing taller
no more twin charade

im gonna study more
cuz i wasted 2 weeks
shit me

shopping trip with leooo tmr
gonna restock my wardrobe
and make him try a beanie

i miss them still
oh well
we'r visiting everyone of them
when lex is back
isnt it? you promised me my dear
they'r arent just my friends
they are yours too
including your bestfr

mocha mocha mocha babe
i'll pray for you
think twice before doing anything
love's a game for fools(:

sore feet

benjamin kazzie must be having fun
they be reaching genting tmr
so my hse is like a zoo
marianna kazzie left her rabbit here
i think the dog coming tmr also
:S

miss you much lex((:

2009-06-15T16:22:00.004+08:00

monsie took this picture
the beanie was coming off anw

ystd was well plain
started off in the morning to get roy's new phone
same phone as feb's
then he went cyrus

the shopping trip with leslie posponed to wed
so i pretty much rotted at home
then went to the studios
did the procedures and everything
courtney was pissed at what i wore
lols what could i do
monsie tore my leggins
legwarmers are the best i can find

class of 11 tods
nice sweet lil angels
poof 2 hours flew past in a while's time
went home to wash up
left my phone to charge at home

figured there's no harm going out alone again
was hesitant at the start if i should
figured out i shouldnt be a coward
suprisingly with no directions in mind where to go
i found myself in town taka
i went macs, and ate on my own
had a pretty kewl time
was smiling to everyone who stared at why i was eating alone
busybodies

bought vanilla cone
and i walked walked walked
and went to the park
didnt sat for long when someone covered my eyes
thought who uh
in the end is leslie and his frs
they waiting to go the club near singtel
so coincidence

chatted awhile
nice boys they are wanted to follow me home
but it wasnt that late
so i bused home

and so i made it home
survived again after a trip out alone

so what if my pride crashed by doing that
at least i dont have to play charades anymore
no one to put up with
no stress from their face expressions
no disturbance of a phone

feels peaceful

oh well this post's for ystd

today started out pretty boring
i realised my phone was missing
only when gab called my hse
realised it dropped under my bed

gab came over for alil studying((:

then he had to go soccer with his frs
next week he teaching me maths again ^^

hmm bal class at 6 again
suppose maybe
i wouldnt be alone at dinner today

doesnt matter anw
i can do fine on my own
i know i can

counting down upon
touchdown of lex's flight(((((:

2009-06-13T23:29:00.003+08:00

reached the meeting place earliest again
so much that im ALWAYS the earliest one
they are alwaays LATE
so i have to fucking wait

went to cine for lunch
got to know some of monsie's frs
went to the park later to watch the competition
was super reluctant to
i didnt want to even bump into anyone of *them

it rained so we hurried off the esplanade
monsie's new grp of frs were there
then we went to the memorial area to skate
while skating to buy drinks on my own
i fell
and got laughed at
but i stood up and skated back
i felt like crap

they were totally unappreciative
andri and priya left early
so much for assuring they staying out with us
great.
was about to go off to watch the gig later

they dared me to ask the emo dude's number
so i went
and got myself looked like a clown
couldnt be bothered so i said forget bout it

went to waterfront
nurul cried
and we sat there
fucked up i went off to the slope to skate

went back to plaza sing after that
had dinner then went down
hoping i could drum
but some stupid guy inserted 3 credits

they had to go then
i went to take bus alone
went past spize
all those cliques i saw

i felt like fuck on the bus

so much for staying out
staying out= 10 pm?

chester i miss you guys
we use to stay out for wild times sake
and you lost weight when i saw you today
i miss you so much

whats the point of going home early
and none of them can stay out
not mentioning kazzie or his frs
fuck totally
so i wander on my own after 10

and i reached home
mummy screamed
mel told on me bout ystd
im never ever bringing her out again

she screamed at me
when its like 10 plus at night
she doesnt want me to skate anymore
she dont want to see me hanging around strangers

fuck all the people in my family
with shortgun marriages
underage pregnancies
i had to undergo the pressure of not becoming like them
becuz of them
mummy is preaching me forever always

and i want to drink so badly now
i had to cry with my back facing them
its tears of anger

ystd was fucked up
today too

i cant look forward to a better tomorrow
not when everyday just gets worse

they shine so brightly
even when they'r not metals
i dont even glisten with them around

my blog's like 90% saddistic
cant figure why it can entertain ppl even

fuck my life

to hell with my pride
cuz
im gonna cry tonight

2009-06-12T22:11:00.003+08:00

bad day.
i thought only a few of them skating
surprised to see one big clique
they skated at the steps opp heeren
sat there for awhile

ah chek clement appeared suddenly
thought he coming at 4.30
went to taka for ice cream
saw LEOOO
melanie was shy
she found every guy idiotic
and she's only 7

went back to the skate area
they got rate
lucky rini was with melanie
after awhile ah chek went off
felt bad for telling him to go

went to plaza sing
they skated i sat there with mel
in the end couldnt withstand it
i borrowed one of the deck and went to skate
wanted to play catching with the security guard
in the end had to go cuz jerome called to hurry me

brought mel home
then was about to go off
mummy say eat abit first
so i said okay a few mouthful
then pa asked where i going
then he nag bout staying home
in the end i couldnt go

i felt so bad standing them up
im so sorry really
and seriously i wanted to drink
so phucked up
conference with babes bout tmr
felt phucked up also
urghhhhhhhhh
whats wrong with me

im so mixed up
ache, sadness, stess, annoyance, anger
i wish chester's here
he will cure my emotions now
i hope i felt less tense after visiting him tmr
i miss you bestfr
:(

maybe its just me
im just stressing myself

the ice keeps getting thinner
the season's have changed

i miss you bestfr
cant be described in words
how much i miss not just you but the rest too

wet eyes

2009-06-12T11:39:00.004+08:00

i slpt early ystd
so called early at 12
great start to killing my insomnia
^^

going out soon
bringing melanie out
and leslie wanna bring leon out also
so we gonna have lunch
i bring my lil sis out
and he brings his lil brudder out
great.
family game uh

then hitting town
to meet rini and ernest etc
gonna watch them skate
then ah chek clement meeting me
for our ICE CREAM deal

i swear im gonna look so uglyxzxz later
cuz i be wearing a lian top out with shorts
there's a chalet tonight
and promised to ME
got my favourite Bacardi and Vodka
and its a beng event
gotta blend in
*rolls my eyes and chants
its for the sake of bacardi and vodka

im seeing chester tmr
i cannot wait
bestfr

okay the happy hormones are tapping into me today
i hope it last
i dont wanna flip out

2009-06-11T23:30:00.002+08:00

sch ended at 5 plus i reached home at 7
the bus took an hour to come
eff.
and babes fought in school
make everyone so sian
urgh.

came home to lil kazzies all over
urgh headache
hit the shower grab my stuff
headed over to tiong
met up with kazzie and his frs

i had no choice
or i wouldnt even go to them

i wanted to swim but decided not to
wanted to play snooker
and YES! got to
wanted to pig out on ice cream
YES! on b&j somemore
wanted to dance and jump about wildly
and YES! taken as a clown on parapara
whatever i just needed my tensed muscles to relax

came home around 10 plus
melanie staying over
which means i have to bring her out tmr
nehmind i be a big sister

i miss my jie
tsk

okay mummy says i got panda eyes
:O horror shock terror
i nvr had them before

arhhh FM static my love

i miss peiling :(
she use to play paperbag imitations with me
since we both love paper
the smeell of it the touch of it
we love brown paper like alot
and she has so many at home
cuz she take from 7-11 and bodyshop
then we will doodle and make mask outta them
when she had probation
i miss her:(

oh well

and im so proud of myself
this afternoon i was all feeling down
wanting to drink so badly again
but now im fine
and its all the shaking of the haze outta my mind

i cant wait for saturday
the start of a wild party weekend

i know that if i just stay strong
i can make it

2009-06-11T12:18:00.004+08:00

why's my heart this weak

why's my mind so fragile

why did you go

this sucks really

my frs told me they lied

and i said i saw the truth myself

and then they said its real

and i was sorry to choose not to believe entirely

till i have no choice

becuz i see it with my own eyes this time

my heart is breaking

im feeling the ache again

why is this so

i thought it's completely healed already

am i wrong to say that then

im real useless

had breakfast with leslie and his brudder

at botanical garden's foodcourt

didnt know kazzie and co coming

but they smoked outside :S

i ate and fed his brudder

i knew leslie's still hiding something

the pain is written all over his face

cabbed to sch cuz was late already

in school now

im supposed to concentrate on my work

but i cant

because the thoughts of him is bugging me

gravity pull me back again

im gonna shut him out

i have to

its a will not a choice

shit me

depressed and first instinct

vodka appears in my mind

control

and im not gonna cry

im just

gonna feel the ache today

tonight, tonight i'll be better

i'll make myself be better

i can do it

it takes minutes to fall in love

and almost what seem like forever

to get out of it

2009-06-10T22:26:00.002+08:00

sch was slacking again
stupid someone pull my hair
i didnt do much work again
:(
tsk lazy me

we went adams road for prata
throughout i damn hyper
haha sch clique outing like that
we all damn high
kept laughing
^^V
i love them all

auntie texted
said we visit chester another day
she got something on
poor chester
i wonder how he is now
but i be seeing him on sat morning
confirm already
i miss you bestfr

came home and leslie called
his maid washed my jacket alr
called me over to collect
upon reaching i heard a fight going on
his brudder opened the door
les was fighting with his mum in the kitchen
urgh
went to the kid's room
he was preparing to go swimming
so i brought him down
and before i knew it i zonk out
and FOR AN HOUR
urgh pig

leslie looked so deperessed
i wonder whats sup with him
oh well we went greatworld for dinner
brought the kid along
it was fun in macs
but i knew he was hiding something

they walked me home after that
and i told him to call if he wanna talk

i hate to see my frs depressed

im so dead
i dont feel like doing my work
its for N level somemore

urghhh serious whats wrong with me

i miss them
i never stopped missing them
i never will
until i have them back

okay outings update
friday maybe go skate or watch them instead
might be meeting ah chek clement for ice cream

saturday morning going visit chester
afternoon maybe skate
night got gig
twilight got party but not confirmed

sunday afternoon start bal class
evening got shopping trip with les for his bro's BD present

monday got study date with gab
afternoon shld be go watch movie
evening got bal class

tuesday
SHOPPING TRIP with Leooo

im envious of leslie's brother
haha got so many big brothers and sister's attention on him
i rmb being 13 and taken as a small kid
the protection, attention, care, concern
showered on me
from the many big brothers i use to have

i miss being everyone's lil girl

2009-06-09T23:25:00.003+08:00

came home and saw pa's car
urghh means i cant go skate
family dinner but i chose to stay home
lately things just end up unhappy between everyone

continued my gossip girl series
and msn with certain
courtney called

skipped to valley point's starbux
handed me my work schedule
she's such a sweetheart
she bought me caramel macchiato
she rmbed all this time i loved that drink
it seemed like forever
since i last stepped into a starbux outlet

we lost track of time talking
i ran home
and apparently everyone's not home yet
hit the showers and blew my hair dry
blowing dry always makes me feel chaota

had a talk with lex
call from auntie
tmr's visiting is at 7

so much for telling myself since last week that
i'll settle down this week to study
and this week already started
yet i touched nothing again

the fun keeps winning me over
laziness is crawling on me
bottles are tempting

its this or that
choose one

2009-06-09T12:09:00.005+08:00

last night was terrible

i couldnt sleep

lying awake till 3 before i dozed off

i left my phone under my bed

i knew there wouldnt be calls

or a need to text

i can survive

came school

slacking in com lab

went for a break dwnstairs with babes

eating half way till nad said

" you know i saw them holding hands"

i was lost for words

i lost my appetitite

i lost my mind

i told nad nicely

i dont really wish to know

so isit ohkay if the next time she keeps shush

she said okay in the end

the sarcarsm of some

the supporting of others

and whats left of me

i really shouldnt be feeling this

i shouldnt even look away when you'r mentioned

im supposed to join in the talk

and poke fun of how we used to be

instead i couldnt even withstand till they finished

i just had to walk away

seriously you guys

if you'r gonna help me get over him

the most you guys could do is erm

the best solution to me is

just leave the topic of him alone

dont bring it up even

i cant be blamed

a first real love

cant be forgotten easily

isnt it

and im very sure

no matter how much

i wanna hook up with a guy to spite you

i wouldnt.

becuz im not a bitch in situations of such

i'll just walk and look ahead

you be the one turning around

oh well im gonna skate later

gonna get the haze outta my mind

get some ice cream at tiong

repeat my previous trip there

told kazzie i be MIA-ing with them for awhile

leslie was agitated but after much explanation

he understood, he's a reh nice dude

friends last longer together

you know

there's a girl around me

she doesnt realise

but we, the bystanders do

gotta figure a way to help her out

lex is coming back

and i dont care if you'r reading this

i sacrificed alot cuz i know you'r coming back okay

i cancelled my outings and chalet for the whole week

just for you

you'r my last bestfr

and here's my rants again

selfish.

very selfish to leave me on my own out here

who told me i didnt need to face the world myself

who promised to be there always

who promised that he will stand by me

but left without very much an earlier notice

chester tan

you'r my best fr

how could you

would you even bear to see me in this state if you could

i need you

there's no one i can go to like you

there's so much to tell you

and we only have half an hour tmr at visiting

how little time it is

i miss you, bestfr

i shld fall into a pool of acid

kill all the guards with superpowers

and save you from the hostel

shall study this whole week

gig on saturday

and bal class teaching starts sunday

everyday 4 hours for a week

then i'll be awaiting for lex's return

will be losing some fun for the sake of studies

pretty much no time left

but i wouldnt rule out the

ICECREAM TREATS OUTING

cuz i have 5 on my list already

i need a new life

2009-06-08T23:35:00.004+08:00

i went out at 2 last night to SPIZE
met the boys and kazzie for supper
before that i had a talk with feb
i bitched throughout till i finally broke down
couldnt hide it no more

i miss them
my life's failing
i felt so hopeless
thanks for being there feb

we went to leslie's place
played guitar hero
went home at dawn
slept for a few hours
then i was reminded there's sch at 2
and i awoke at 11 plus realising that
rushed and of course was alil late

i looked utterly stupid
didnt iron my uni
so threw on the skirt and yellow top

came home and caught a few hours of slp
then went to had dinner at henderson
i saw bruce and the whole 24 troupe
and a new kid they had from my pri sch
i pretty much walked off without waving
they were my past
not present anymore

pa dropped me at tiong
and my whining got me 50 bucks to shop
bought breaking dawn
and went into the arcade
saw jaspur and some other 24 ppl
said hi outta courtesy
afterall its their territory
yeah lame i know

played drums
im most probably gonna be the only record breaker there
the only thing that keeps the arcade going
is the MAXIMUM TUNE and TAKEN
whatever that fighting game is spelt
i saw kazzie's old fr
got him to buy me 3 breezers

walked over to tiong park myself
and swinged
it felt good tasting the breezers
it felt like the past
we held contest to see who could down the most bots

i missed them
i cracked.

No hope No love No glory

one thing good bout being single
you wouldnt hurt anyone
and
no one can hurt you

and one of the many disadvantage
you see one too many couples
snogging out in front of you
just on a single escalator
tiong is the best example

i shld try again
3 days is pathetic
i can go longer for sure
i can do it

2009-06-07T23:31:00.004+08:00

oh it feels so good to be back in sing
the wedding event was good/BAD
we went shopping before that
and before that we had 2 hours of jam in the traffic
great start.

upon reaching everyone went missing
leaving me and roy standing there?
totally uncomfortable
and some bitches kept staring at me
like wth totally
who ruled out sneakers with dresses?
and the stuff they were wearing
were obviously last season in sing
with the terrible make up look of a clown
and those bloody ugly heels
why bother looking old when you'r young?

and i didnt touch the food
the bride was so sad
she had to sit down
cuz her 5 months baby was weighing on her
and she's only 18
which means all the malaysia bengxz and lians were there
but i felt so sorry for her

the whole 3 table of relatives from singapore
was totally standing out from the rest
and mummy and a few aunts cried cuz they were touched
oh well i sat there half dead with roy

went shopping again after that
bought quite a handful of stuff
and we all looked hilarious in the mall
the girls with long dresses
the guys with fine suits

another 2 hours of jam
half of it spent on the phone
conferencing with les kazzie and his girlfr
deciding/arguing where to go tmr

no school tmr!

unpacking and watching gossip girl

urgh i miss the clique

and i hate to see your name around me

to my dearest feb
dont be too hard on the results
that girl just had her hopes raised
they aint going for looks you know
afterall you be the one laughing at her
when she goes off crying?

2009-06-07T08:43:00.004+08:00

im at relativee hse now
waiting for them to get ready
so we can all drive to malaysia tgt

last night was hell lotsa fun
went SPIZE for supper
and i refused to eat cuz the food ordered was fattening
and leslie brought his lil brother there
so i had fun feeding him
and his lil brother is totally not a normal 7 yr old kid
he's an effing pro in dota
and he's an owl
badbad for a young kid
must be big brother's influence

and i was really tired
and super effing cold
we went vip room
teeheehee ^^ then brother came to join
he stunned to see we booked the inside

wasted $$ was spent on me
cuz i sat in front of my seat's com and stone
then soon i fell aslp
in the end leslie had to lend me his shoulder
cuz my head ache
haha he's reh sweet

they finished around 5 plus and woke me up
went to eat roti prata
then they wanted to go back in play somemore
but i damn lazy to go in stone again
leslie offered to go off with me
cuz i didnt wanna go home myself
though its not a long journey

finally the big appetites pigs finished eating
then leslie and i went off
he piggybacked me to the bus stop
cuz i was too lazy to walk
and i repeatedly told him
im sorry im fat and im selfish cuz im tired
and he was so nice to say he can even carry me all the way
which is 3 stops to my house if we walk

too bad he's much more of big brother material though

:P

reached home and saw mummy awake
she so early wake up to make up
then after awhile roy came back
im wearing my dress with my sneakers
mummy was way funny
she say wear your highcut larh more style right
then i :O stare at her
thinking what went into her man
then i told her i like my low cut more now

and my aunt is taking forever to get ready

my brother's damn kewl
wearing what i picked out for him

okay im ranting again

missing the clique still

bye loves

PS pray i wouldnt tear the dress

2009-06-06T23:14:00.003+08:00

if you'r reading this
just a gentle note

its gonna be a long post

hopped outta bed at 9
bathe and rush to skatepark meet jazzper
acc her for awhile
haha i skated in my girly top and shorts
happy happy sit there

monsie text me
they saw him ystd
he was with a girl
and they say the girl looks like me
WOW
of course they find the girl and me alike
duh
this jerk here
goes for the FACE instead of the HEART
so i bet the girl style like me also
fucker.
you think you'r the only one who can move on
becuz i can fucking get myself a new boyfr too

my whole afternoon was ruin
to think i felt pathetic after reading the text
then the sadness turned to anger
i dont even know why i was sad for a moment
total fucked up

went to cathay to support feb
through out the whole time i was alone
i walked cathay alone
sat alone also
and i thought alot
wished her luck before going vivo

freaking pissed with the boys
cuz they make me walk alone at vivo myself
then later go city hall meet them
went suntec to slack
they'r all damn funny idiots

the worst thing was my phone went dead

then later we watched
MONSTERS VS ALIEN
wl my second time watching
wasted my money
but whatever at least i watched finish
that time watched with kazzie
3/4 of the whole time i slping

then went town to find rini
she was with andy
they scared me by telling me they tgt
then we camwhore outside arcade
woah all kazzie frs kept staring
they know im someone familiar but they cant tell
who i was afterall

then was about to go home around 10
but i bumped into kazzie and co
haha called papa to say i be home late
then followed them dwn to arcade
haha my famous kazzie said hi to everyone
then the bengs rmb im kazzie's kazzie
hahaha and leslie came after that

and im at his hse now
haha random
i didnt know he stay at mera prime
DAMN KEWL

haha okay then we played drums etc
haha they all damn suck up sia
and i got them to buy me ice cream and breezer
haha then kazzie told them im leslie's
better dont jio
frigging hilarious
and i played max tune and screamed all the way
i just dont know how to handle the gear luh

haha kazzie they all coming soon
cuz they had to settle some stuff
so i followed leslie here first
tmr going malaysia
i'll ton and sleep on the way
haha mera prime is just outside tiong larh
damn convinient eh this lucky idiot

okay we gonna go cyrus later
haha im veh happy today
though the first part of the day SUCKED

leslie's reh kewt
very hard to resist not to fall for him
haha hope he doesnt read this

i dont care
if you think im a bitch
if you think im one
then i am
and i will be a bitch to you

for fuck that im sad over what they saw
i'll nvr ever say i miss you again
go fuck your new barbie doll
jerk

2009-06-05T23:18:00.003+08:00

fuck man
went to the park
didnt skate much
was damn hot
and i felt uncomfortable with the skaters
and this fucked up guy came
and totally look down on us
taunt us and crap

went to street skate later on
saw ah chek
and some sch girls
and there's this lian turn town girl
so (*(&@*^$&^$@&$%

reached home
pissed mummy off
she knows i went to skate
then prepared to go bugis

i wore this really girly outfit
and i felt pretty in it
she said not nice veh weird
papa say the skirt too short
fuck it totally
i walked into my room
and threw on the ah lian combination
and asked my mum if she's happy now

and i sulked all the way
and she said go shopping
more like shop for them all except me
i went MIA and shop on my own
went to arcade and hit those pop ups
i had the look
i want to kill you
the whole time there

total fuck up day

and mummy bought this white dress
which is for me to wear on sun's wedding dinner
and the idiot auntie say i look nice like some doll
fuck it i hate dolls
and im swear i'll wear my sneakers

seriously
i wear girly not acceptable
wear not girly not tolerable
so what you want me to fucking wear

i swear i wouldnt wear girly stuff out with pa and mummy
anymore
i'll be a fucked up daughter
and wear berms and beanie and sneakers
their son can wear dresses for a change

im lacking of sleep and food
so im very angry now
too bad if your weak heart
cant tolerate all my fucking words

and tmr is some fucked up day also
everything not confirm
i was looking so forward to a fun saturday
now it might become a emo sat again

the worst day ever

2009-06-05T11:28:00.003+08:00

skateeeee
yes man im gonna skate
its been like 1234567890 since i last skate
haha not that long actually
but it seemed like ages since i last went to park
and the ramps im gonna touch themmmm
and hope i dont fall
or i look uglyxzxzxz
in my dress for sunday's wedding dinner
and tmr for the movie outing with the boys

yayayayayay
i found an excuse to bring my board out
haha since i have no super power
to make my board invisble
and my mother=24/7 guard of the house
i be running out of excuses soon

but im veh happy
cuz my super pack babes all gonna skate tgt
and i going bugis to shop tonight
XDXDXDXD

and lex is calling tonight
yay

and im reh happy
retarded me
awefully contented at every lil small thing now

and i miss
chester and domic and peiling
i dont miss hunwei and mathew that much
haha i do still miss them
LOADS :(

visitng chester next wed X)

i found the berms last night
with my torch and my super eyes
i broke into my store room
and dig them out
hahaha so much for pa telling me he burnt them
tsk i can balance one really
i still wear girly dont i
whats there to be afraid of really pa
not like im turning lesbo

leslie's so kewt
but kewt doesnt work anymore
haha imagine your face while reading this uh
too bad for you

michie means it

2009-06-04T22:32:00.004+08:00

today was not fine
upon reaching school i realised
:O
my phone's lying on my bed BACK AT HOME
wl first day that my phone coming back alive
i dont have it with me
i was veh happy last night
gab text me and said he read my blog
HI ^^
and he offered me to join them anytime
thats reh sweet :)))
soon when im free kay
we go movie marathon
you pay ticketS
i pay popcorn XP

and i reach home at 6
totally sulking all the way home
and upon reaching downstairs i saw kazzie
and he said leslie coming
was about to run off
cant possibly be seen in my ugly polkadot
but kazzie pull me sit down
i swear it was the most embarassing moment
leslie said i look kewt dont have to hide
and i ran off when kazzie loosen his grip

haha went to EXERCISE with them
i went dwnstairs happily in my skates
and i saw leslie alone with his bike
wl they sabo us
he's so kewt but no
and we rode to tiong park
he's reh sweet cuz he pulled me when i was tired

scolded kazzie for leaving me behind
then saw courtney
omg i ran up to her
and she offered me a job
go back to bal sch and teach the todds for her
one hour 8 bucks
teach 2 days a week for 2 hours

i hesistated but i took up the offer
besides i can lose weight
and spend time with the KEWT todds
and stretch my legs
so i need to remove my toe polish
and cut my nails
so they wouldnt chip when i point them
new leggings :S

and im bored now
cuz gab's not online
and everyone's replying reh slow
and im gonna skate tmr
yay me ^^V

but seriously phucked up
mummy hates me to bring my deck out
first soccer
next drums
now board
she nvr approves of what i like to do
her son's a guy
but she nvr nags when he's not even doing anything healthy
like 24/7 playing dota in lan
can help him grow better

enough of my rants
im so bored
my posts are getting longer day by day

i miss them

im strong enough to take this
its okay to be on my own
rehlly

P.S Leslie there's no harm trying
but you wouldnt succeed
i mean it

2009-06-03T21:32:00.003+08:00

im veh happy today:)))

had school
haha NJC ppl came to tutor maths
and i got a guy tutor -.-
it felt like i was back in pri sch
but the guy was too shy to teach me
i need a nerdier one next time

rushed home to bathe and everything
called kazzie and made a request
which is
"korkor can you boys wear decent and not bengxz style?"
and he said of course

duh im finally willing to go out with them
kazzie's so excited
he totally DEMANDED all of them
to come in berms and no half black half white skinnies
^^V
i rawk i changed a grp of bengs

haha no larh they'r still nice boys
*(&#*^# dont come out when they open their mouth
and they were so decent today
im so touched:)))

watched monster VS aliens
half way i fell aslp
on kazzie's fr's shoulder without knowing
he's so kewt i swear
and he invited me to his chalet tmr
but i turned him down

NO, no love
not touching it
not even gonna go anywhere near it
no matter how tempting how kewt the guy is

i dont need to go through
dark period of days again
whereby i shut everyone out
i want to be
MICHIE, the hypertart
not some emo girl who wallows away

i miss my friends
but today i did smile alot
i had fun and the boys were nice people

reached home and painted my toes
mummy caught my happy mood
and i played psp the rest of the day
kendrick was hilarious with the SIMS
he played in front of me and roy
and kept laughing when he killed those people
showing signs of violent man he

i do miss them
i dont cry anymore now

and im not hanging out with kazzie
any sooner
i gotta start to mug

im so bored i could scream

Normal. Teenage. Fun

i'm strong enough to take this
and just like that
its hurts alil lesser
being on my own
Michie can do it
the clique will come out in 2 to 3 yrs time
she can survive on her own this while
i know i can do it

2009-06-02T22:57:00.004+08:00

today was pathetic
i went to sch with goldfish eyes
cuz lex called last night
i practically cried my heart out
and i rubbed my eyes so bad
the skin below my eyes got grazed

school was alright
bused home with hazil
as usual we gossiped all the way(:
she's a reh nice girl

and i rot at home
i studied and read a book
at 5.30 i pulled out my blades
which have been collecting dust since i got a new skateboard
as usual blading suits me the best still
i cant figured why i switched to board

i sped in 7 mins time to tiong
bought a vanilla cone
and sat outside watching the cars go
everyone who passed me
most probably thought im some insane girl
i ate my ice cream and frowned at everyone who stared

then as i stood up to throw my cone
2 guys called out to me
and i thought who are they
why did they know my name
and finally i rmb they were tes's frens
and i was retarded enough to mumble
they invited me into tiong but i couldnt
i was in my skates -.-

so we went macs
they were so weird
i bought a drink
and the other one pointed me to meet them outside
and when i reached the door
i saw them with 2 lians
me with no damn backbone waved and went off

i laughed to myself
how pathetic i seemed
when they asked why im there
and why im alone

i went to the park for a swing
told the little boy if he could lend me for 5mins
skated off and bumped into brandon and basil
how surprising
i keep bumping into ppl
and they kept asking why am i alone
what am i doing there

maybe i shld give jeremy a call
tell him i need to tattoo "LONER" on my forehead
or carry a signboard around that reads
"im alone, stop asking me who im here with"
isnt the sight of me alone makes it obvious i am ALONE?

i know im some no life loser with no friends
but i didnt shut myself in
i went out
on my own
and i survived

and when i reached the end of the canal
there were a clique of boys there
i turned away instantly
and one called my name
not again
another grp who knew me when i didnt knew them

turned out to be jerome's friends
the ones in the arcade
how coincidentally man
and he had the cheek to ask again
who im there with
i gave him my frown
and was about to skate off
when he answered
you look nicer in the arcade when you smiled

thanks i dont really need your instructions
i'll smile when i feel like it
the most
not to you
so what if you have braces
i dont like haughty guys

i miss my clique
i miss them alot

im ranting longer and longer in my post nowadays

and ilex actually likes my blog
lols im surprised ppl gets entertained with my crap

madi said i looked pretty in andri's party
she saw the pics before i did
duh smothered with make up
every girl sure looks pretty

i felt un-natural in it though
make up just dont seems like the real me

i have a movie outing this sat with ks and his frs
how nice they want me to take them as a clique
truly appreciate their kindess

afterall im getting used
going out on my own
i dont care if ppl thinks im insane
i'll prove it
going out on my own is possible

i'll just try not to cry
when i think of them
my used to be clique

2009-06-01T23:04:00.004+08:00

today was fine
went to the market in the morning
with kazzie and his BROTHERS
more like they stalked me
but i had free helpers to carry the bags
im gonna make breakfast tmr
becuz i dont like sch food
and i shut the door in their face
cuz i didnt bother inviting them in
they wouldnt go once they enter

studied during the day
after dinner bused to bugis

i thought i go check out the library
books to kill boredom
but roy came to meet me with kendrick and ZM
how sweet of a brother
knows his sister no friends now
treat me super nice

we went arcade
playplayplay
been awhile since i went there to play

BUMPED into KS and his frs
surprisingly i saw Jerome and his frs
wow

and jerome's frs were super friendly
in fact over friendly i felt

went for ice cream then bused home
reached home at 10.30
mummy nvr even nag man
roysten say she's kewl with everything now

haha its like a sch night and we went out

but still i'll control

i smiled quite alot today

auntie called
she say wednesday we go see chester

and jerome says i can join them anytime
and KS's fr says he and the rest can be my new friends
how sweet of them

but i still want my friends back more than anything else

oh well

i shld appreciate them for their offer

sch tmr at 8

lex says he's coming back for a week
my love's coming back finally
this time
its left with both of us
no more complete clique

getting used to being on my own
going out alone seems possible

2009-05-31T23:23:00.003+08:00

look loser *points at the loser
and figured the reflection's me
im the one

went vivo with papa mummy and roy
they shopped for clothes
i kinda plastered a smile for them
i see cliques in the arcade
i dont even bother checking out
to see if Basil and co are around

then mummy felt sick
so we came home
but i didnt feel like staying home
i bused to plaza sing
i walked about
yeah
on my own

like some no life loser
all the bengxz starestare
and kazzie chased me
i played catching with his big clique
i just didnt wanna hang with them
the bengxz and lianxz

i daydreamed in front of the drums
and the guy intro-ed me the new set
i told him curtly im just looking around
aint buying a set
cant he tell
im ALONE

and i drank lotsa coke
and i bought mcflurry
and sat down outside on my own
watched some dance crew competition

and i bused home
went past the skatepark on the way
didnt bother stopping to catch up with the peeps

i didnt bring my phone either

and i made it back home
trip out on my own

kinda pathetic
but
i didnt think alot
being out was really refreshing
the presence of ppl around
though i dont know them
but its better off than to be alone in my room
where i start to miss them

i think i'll just get use being on my own
finding friends seems hard
and i dont need a boyfr to stand by me
so kazzie shld stop introducing me bengxz
i rather die than to date one

yeah i'll be fine
i should be

2009-05-31T12:54:00.003+08:00

i went to the market in the morning
with mummy and papa
i just had nowhere to go

im damn sad
im getting nowhere still

i want my friends back
i figured everyday i'll say this sentence

and im like some no life loser
asking about whose free to go play
yet kazzie keeps standing there
repeating he's there with his frs
and i firmly says NO, no.

hanging out with you guys WAS fun
but not now
becuz you guys are just happy
that domic is locked up

i miss the oldold times too
samuel and bernardette times
we all hanged out tgt
till left domic who formed the clique

i dont wanna get hyped up
and think i will be fine without friends
becuz if i cant do it at the end of the day
it will only bring more disappointment

i rather go about
and see whose free to go play
with a loser like me

im bored

okay i'll try going out on my own
i'll go back to the nearest/usually/shld be place
go check out the new arcade at tiong
go have ice cream in greatworld

yeah i'll be able to do it
get out on my own

2009-05-30T22:55:00.002+08:00

collect report book
joke man
papa wanted to see lim HA
but yeah it went well
i flunked subs it was expected

reached home changed
left for andri's parteh
i felt girly enough today
went to skate afterwards
reached the park open my bag and
SHIT
my skinnies at home

arghhh and it rained
so rini skated while i watched
and talked to some of the boys
best part was the weirdo
he stalked feb in the end
had to call kabot whatever his name is
and the other boys to shoo the weirdo off
haha hilarious they'r all so funny

yes i will bring my pants next time
so i wouldnt wear a skirt and sit there

and him
i saw him again
but he disappeared
oh well i'll see you again soon
eyecandy.

i felt sad when i saw ppl with their clique
i miss mine
domic lex peiling mathew hunwei chester
i need you guys back
:(

im on my own
thats a fact

or i can go steal apples and get caught
and join peiling in hostel

but i cant
i will work hard and when they come out
they be proud of me
i'll be girly to prove domic when he's out
that he doesnt have to fix my clothes
i'll prove to peiling i can dance like her
i'll prove to chester im a good girl
i'll prove to mathew i wouldnt date a skaterboy ever

i do anything for you guys to be let out
come back

i dont like to be on my own

glam on the outside
empty on the inside

loner with no life
signing off

i truly appreciate rini's presence
thanks for being there babe
skatefr/girlfr/sch cliquefr

mummy's happy im home "early"
i reached home at 10.30
she was surprised even
last time sat nights i reach home 2 or 3 plus
cuz i got no friends what
no more inc clique to hang out with

pathetic
very.

i dread to be on my own

2009-05-30T08:28:00.003+08:00

ystd i force myself to slp early
because i had nowhere to go
on a freaking friday night
i got no life
because i dont have friends now
:(

papa is my new bestfr
ystd afternoon he didnt work
he brought me go singtel walkwalk
see the new phones
then we went over to the skatepark
i skated and he watched
awhile later we went greatworld
bought andri's present
then we went for ice cream
came home rested
and he say lets go
so we went dwnstairs
he rode bike i skate

thats my dad and i
bonding time
and i was reh happy
because i had nowhere to go
and my dad brought me entertainment

going to sch later
to take report book
:S
flunked alot of subs
cant be bothered alr

going for andri's parteh later
then skate awhile with rini

seriously i feel damn sad
damn pathetic
i got no friends to go out with

fuck man
i shld go steal apple
then i call the cops myself
and smile while im handcuffed
then i wouldnt have to be on my own

but no thats stupid
i dont wanna do that

chester tan i hate you
you were my bestfr
you go without me prepared
all of your come back
get out of rtc and the homes

friday nights
used to be
void-deck nights

now my friday nights
i stare blankly out of the window

like some bloody no life loser

im a loner now

i miss every single one of you all
even though you guys cant see this
but i miss you guys alot
everywhere i go now
i get reminded of how we played before tgt
and i cry at night
when i think there's no one there for me to call out anymore
and no one to surprise me dwnstairs my blk aft sch

i dont like to be on my own
:(

visiting starts next month

2009-05-28T22:10:00.004+08:00

i want my friends back

haha what a joke
they wouldnt appear
no matter how much
i reach out
its air im grabbing
no more chester's shirt to let me pull
no more peiling's crazy singing
no more hunwei's sick jokes
no more domic's concern as a brudder
no more mathew's caring attention

school was boring
we played poker
i used picture cards to disguise
given some cyber wellness talk
bout blogging and etc
i slept through it

came home
was bout to go skate
mummy nagged
"you'r still sick"
no im not
i could had just walked out but no i stayed home
so i sulked at home
and fell aslp

when i woke up
she treated me so nicely

mummy you shld be happy
your daughter dont have those
shen jin bing friends you say always anymore
they'r G.O.N.E

and i complained during recess
i got no friends :(
after school i complained again

i feel damn sad for myself
some pathetic sore loser with no life
i dont have friends

i have school friends
but i want my outside friends
BACK

so do i wait 2 years for you to be let out chester?
you selfish
you call yourself my bestfr?
you leave me alone out here
and every night i continue to have insomia

longing for those days like last time
where we all meet up
slack
play

now
there's nothing

and my antibiotics never seem to finish

and i did something stupid today
i went to playback the memories
of
love

urgh pathetic

haha monsie scares mango
hilarious
im turning insane soon
im still able to laugh
im hiding it
hiding the fear
i dont like this feeling
alone on my own

2009-05-27T22:24:00.002+08:00

today i went sch
i laughed alot
more like i made them all laugh
with my half there not voice
i missed them

but every second
my mind wasnt there in class
it was elsewhere
my heart was with them
every single of them
i was thinking bout them
how they were
how long will the time be

school ended at 1
was about to text chester happily
and realised hey he wouldnt be there anymore
went macs with the clique
in the end
left me and michelle and rini
and i went home after that

i sat downstairs the block
after what seemed like forever
i returned home
mummy nagged bout my results
kept quiet bout it

im a luzzar with no life
i dont have friends to hang out with anymore
how great.

so that means im on my own now
go out on my own
and try to hold back my tears
before i can reach town's other end on my own

yes i have kazzie still
i just dont hang out with them like last time
i dont want to be like them

i want my friends back
i want INC clique back
but no its not gonna happen

i have two choices
make new friends
be a loner

2009-05-26T22:27:00.002+08:00

im still on mc today
though today i felt much better
total 7 days mc already
and this sickness brought me
nothing but attacks
at least i lost weight

went over to chester hse after dinner
he looked so tired
for once i looked at him
and realised
it will be sometime again before i see him
they'r going in for hearing tmr
i wished i can be there
auntie wouldnt be going
she said she given up

im just lost for words now
maybe soon i'll find back words
to describe what i feel now

and ks having chalet now
must be having fun drinking
im just not recovered enough to be there

im scared

nico's in hospital
overdosage of pills
silly boy did it out of stress
gotta visit him soon

one by one
everyone seems to be leaving me

im tired
unprepared still to face all these